Roquana
by
Robin
Gordon
Auksford
2013
©
Copyright Robin Gordon, 2013
Auksford
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Book
V: The verdict and its
aftermath
***
Chapter 16: The balance restored
Roquana Smuff
(Unknown)
High
Court judges arrived from Yowkoy One and the trials began.
Some,
like Sir Muckswill Savark, were accused of gross indecency, others,
like Jamal Fittlutt were rapidly convicted of pederasty. The
more
complex cases involved the monopolists, accused of manipulating the
government of Sunday for their own ends, while the worst of them, Lord
Savark and Monsignor Gulls, were charged with High Treason.
Most
of the guilty were shipped off to the penal colonies on Battnuboye.
When a spitfire was sent to bring Lord
Savark back
to Sunday for his trial, it was found that he had left his space
yacht. CCHQ, which was analysing recent communications,
reported
that, while the original tribunal had been conducting its examinations,
Savark had liquidated large sums of money and changed them into
Commonwealth Interplanetary Credits. A further transaction
had
transferred these credits to the computer aboard the stolen
Spitfire. Under questioning the Chatelaine, Madame LaTower,
admitted that Lord Savark had arranged to be picked up by Gulls in the
stolen craft, and had donned his space-suit and disembarked from the
yacht behind Monday, out of sight of watchers on Sunday, leaving the
yacht to continue its orbit as if he were still on board.
Trackers aboard the Ark Royal were sure,
however
that Gulls had set off in a completely different direction and had not
gone anywhere near Monday. Several small ships headed for
Monday,
and on the far side of it they found Lord Savark’s corpse
floating in space. This, it was clear, was a final betrayal
by
Gulls, who had escaped with a superb craft, capable of taking him
anywhere, and with a colossal fortune in Commonwealth Interplanetary
Credits.
Lord Savark
(Robert Maxwell)
Next the Lord High Admiral set about
reforming the
constitution of Sunday, modelling it on the most preferred version as
used on Yowkoy One and the Home Planets. The Holy Synod and
the
Office of Procurator were both abolished. The office of
President
was replaced by that of Governor General, the holder to be appointed by
the Crown, and the Lady Ontoonia Furtescyow-Broyne, formerly known as
Old Bonita Bananas, was appointed as first Governor. Finally
and
most importantly, the Senate, which previously, like the Holy Synod,
consisted of appointees nominated by the Monopolies Control Commission,
was replaced by a directly elected two-chamber Parliament.
The
MCC had already been effectively abolished by the arrest and conviction
of all its members. Parliament, once elected, appointed a new
commission, strictly subordinate to the elected representatives of the
people and charged with carrying out the normal functions of such a
body: the prevention of monopolies that would inhibit the business
ambitions of new immigrants.
In accordance with Commonwealth
principles the
aboriginal inhabitants of the planet received full rights of
citizenship. Unglush remained the official language both in
order
to maintain links with the rest of the Commonwealth, and because there
were so many different dialects of the Tohu languages that tribes who
lived more than a few miles from each other had great difficulty in
communicating. Across the seas the position was even more
confusing, for the languages there seemed to have no common ancestor
with Unglush unless one traced them far back into the mists of
antiquity before humanity left Earth. The first to be found
seemed to be descendants of the Franchu, which rather pleased Monsignor
DaClue who claimed to have Franchu among his very distant
ancestors.
When all the constitutional preparations
were in
place elections to the Parliament were held, and then it was announced
that the Queen herself would attend the first State Opening of the new
Parliament and also personally invest the new Governor General in the
Pantheon.
That building had been cleared of the
Guild of
Eunuchs, who were sent off to a distant colony in the wilds, and the
crypt handed over to a persistent but fundamentally harmless sect, the
Crustu or Crusty Ones, who claimed that there was only one god, whose
son, Crust had been executed by the imperial authorities of some
ancient civilisation as a sacrifice to save humanity from eternal
damnation. They are regarded as heretical, of course, but
Crust
himself seems to have been a good man who preached altruism, so,
despite their denial of our Commonwealth gods, His Holiness, the Dolloy
Pope of Conterbrew, has decreed that they should be tolerated.
So we found ourselves seated in the body
of the
Pantheon among the great and the good, we few whom fate had decreed
should be instrumental in the reform of Sunday – and, by the
way,
the Privy Council decided that our world should still be called Sunday
lest the Omarrigu, the Choinezzu or the Razhu should decide to try to
claim it. There was little chance that they would find out
about
our discovery if the name were not changed to Earth: the Razhu were
constantly dealing with internal revolts against the mafia-style
oligarchs who ruled their worlds, the Choinezzu were now far across the
Universe, leaving behind a trail of settled, exploited, devastated and
then abandoned planets, while the Omarrigu, thanks to their unshakeable
belief that every citizen should have the right to bear arms, were
reduced to a single planet, Orrizoona, where every minor quarrel was
likely to lead to murder and thence to long-standing feuds, and every
slight, whether real or imagined, might provoke a massacre.
There we sat among the great and the
good: my wife
and I, Roquana and her parents – for you’ve
probably
guessed by now that Moiku Stoon, who had discovered the
Government’s plans for genocide, was Roquana’s
long-lost
father – and Tommuz and his mother.
The Pantheon had been given a good
clean, and the
images of the gods and their prophets were fresh and shining.
In
the centre stood the father in his red robes trimmed with white fur,
his blue eyes twinkling, his cheeks as red as his robes and his beard
as snowy as the fur. By his side stood the unfathomable sack
from
which he drew all the gifts he gave to mankind, and on his right stood
the chief of his servants, the deer headed and antlered Lord Rowdulf,
with his lantern and his red rose, while on his left stood the god to
whom our cathedral was dedicated, the dog-headed Lord Grommet, carrying
a cheese, and, with him, a tiny figure at his feet, his apostle, Saint
Jack Russell, with his little dog. The image of the man was
eight
feet high, more than life size, but the god he served towered mighty
above him. Beyond Rowdulf, further to our left, stood the
Lord
Vollintayn, with his burning heart on display within his crystalline
breast. He is the god of all true lovers, and the flames that
rise from his heart are the fires of passion. On the other
side,
beyond the Lord Grommet, stands the Lord Gay Fox, a young man with a
fox’s head and brush, holding a firework and smirking in a
rather
camp manner. He, of course is the god of homosexuals and
pyrotechnicians. Beyond him stand the Maiden, the Mother,
surrounded by her children, and the Crone, while on the other side are
the Singer, the Soldier and the Judge.
Other gods fill the other
panels. Away to my
left I saw the Lord Gondulf, and at his feet his prophet, St Joyur
Tullkine, while far to the right I could just see the god who watches
over Inquisitors, the Lord Arcoyl Pyaroo, with his consort, the Lady
Oruodnigh Ullavir and his three servants, Hasty, Chop and Lady LaMoon.
The ceremony was led by the former
Archbishop of New
Jackrusselham, now resplendent in the red robes of a Cardinal and
elevated to Metropolitan Patriarch of Sunday. The Big Cheese
was
sitting next to him in the full ceremonial clobber of the
Inquisition. A throne had been placed in the centre for the
Queen, Luzzubith XII. Beside her sat the Lord High Admiral,
and
next to him, our former President, Old Bonita Bananas, now to be
inducted into the office of Governor General under her real name, the
Lady Ontoonia Furtescyow-Broyne. Her father, whom the Admiral
had
referred to as Bonzo, was in the same row as our party.
The Patriarch offered prayers to the
gods,
especially to the Father and the Lord Grommet, then the Queen announced
the appointment of Lady Ontoonia. I can’t remember
all the
details of the ceremonies and the speeches, but part of her
Majesty’s speech stuck in my mind.
Queen Luzzabith
XII
(Queen Elizabeth II)
“It has often been
said,” she began,
“that those who fail to learn from history are obliged to
repeat
the mistakes of their ancestors. Both the Choinezzu and the
Omarrigu are living examples of this dictum, but even here on Sunday
old errors almost triumphed again as they triumphed on this same world
so many generations ago. In the time of my great, great,
ever-so-many greats, grandfather, Shorrudge III, the lands held by the
Omarrigu were part of the Commonwealth, for they had been settled by
Unglush colonists. Now these colonists found in their new
lands
across the ocean a race of people, human like themselves, who lived a
nomadic life, hunting the herds of grazing animals that roamed the
plains.
“Shorrudge and his government
insisted that
these people should be treated well and their human rights respected,
just as the Commonwealth does today, but the settlers were determined
to take all the land for themselves and to exterminate the aboriginal
people, just as Savark and his associates tried to do here on Sunday.
“They therefore determined to secede from the Commonwealth,
just
as Savark and Gulls tried to do here, and, to justify their actions
they spread false rumours that Shorrudge’s government
intended to
impose extremely high taxes on them. This was entirely
untrue,
for the government of the day taxed the colonists at lower levels than
its citizens at home, hoping that by thus subsidizing them they would
be all the stronger, all the more able to develop the new lands, and
less likely to be attacked by rival colonies sent out by the Franchu.
“The Omarrigu revolted, and
Unglind, already
at war with Francha, had to let its colonies go, though about a third
of the people then fled to lands that were still part of the
Commonwealth. Protected then by the might of the Commonwealth
the
Omarrigu became a great nation, but plagued forever by the guilty
memories of how they had treated the aboriginal natives.
“Fortunately, thanks to the
bravery of a young
girl and her boyfriend, the vigilance of an Inquisitor, and the loyalty
of the Sunday colonists, we have avoided that outcome, so that, in this
world, both colonists and native inhabitants can share equally in
Commonwealth citizenship and the great and wonderful gifts of the
Father and the other gods.”
Roquana married Tommuz, of course, and
they had four
children, two boys and two girls, and I’m proud to say that
they
named one of their sons Sulamun. Tommuz joined the diplomatic
service and did very well, in fact, shortly before I retired I met him
on Yowkoy One, just after he had secured the plum job of High
Commissioner of Sunday to New Lundun. I have no doubt that
Roquana’s presence as his wife had helped many a mission, and
they both well deserved their new titles of Lord and Lady Crumptin.
I myself was on Yowkoy One as an
Assistant
Commonwealth Inquisitor, and I had the immense privilege of working
with Monsignor DaClue for several years before he retired. He
stayed on Yowkoy One, of course, but I was determined to go back to
Sunday, which had become a very different place. The
colonists
and the natives intermingled happily, and, free of the lies about
savage Tohu, the farmers were able to spread across the fertile lands,
while the cities, no longer enclosed in their imprisoning walls, became
pleasant and beautiful places, with wide, tree-lined streets and
handsome buildings. The clutter of tents and booths was
cleared
away and the people lived and worked in proper, salubrious conditions,
and – perhaps surprisingly – when they were no
longer
crammed together like battery-farmed animals, they no longer felt the
need to impose their noise on their surroundings and the former
cacophony came to an end.
Assistant
Commonwealth Commissioner Monsignor Sulamun Tadler
and Madame Tadler (Derek Jacobi & Anne Reid)
While I was still on Yowkoy One Tommuz
and Roquana
often came to visit my wife and me, and we visited them at the High
Commission. Then one day Tommuz had some quite surprising
news.
The Commonwealth had sent a mission to
Orrizoona to
try and persuade the government there to stop Omarrigu pirates
attacking Commonwealth ships, and, if possible, to secure the release
of a number of Commonwealth citizens who had been captured and sold
into slavery. When the diplomats were taken on a tour of one
of
the estates, a slave suddenly rushed up to them and claimed to be a
Commonwealth citizen, a Monsignor, a former Procurator. He
just
had time to give his name as Gulls and his home planet as Sunday before
he was dragged away. When the mission returned to Yowkoy One
its
leader reported this to Tommuz, who asked him to find out more.
Monsignor Gulls
(Unknown)
It appeared that Gulls, having escaped
with a
Spitfire and a colossal fortune in Commonwealth Interplanetary Credits,
and wishing to get out of reach of Commonwealth justice, fled to
Orrizoona. There he flaunted his wealth and checked in to the
most luxurious of Omarrigunish hotels, only to find that his CICs were
worthless outside the Commonwealth. The hoteliers, feeling
cheated, seized him at gunpoint and sold him to slave
traders.
These took from him his credit-key and his Spitfire and sold him to a
plantation owner, where he slaved for quite a number of years before
seizing his chance of escape on seeing members of the Commonwealth
mission.
“What,” asked
Tommuz, “should be
done? Ought we to add the name of Gulls to the list of
Commonwealth citizens to be ransomed?”
I thought not, but decided we should
consult
Monsignor DaClue.
“It seems to me,”
said the retired
Deputy Commonwealth Inquisitor, “that we are under no
obligation
to rescue Gulls. He had his chance to accept the sentence
imposed
by Commonwealth justice, and he refused it. In the words of
the
old proverb, he has made his own bed, and now he must lie on
it.”
“There is the
possibility,” I said,
“that, as a slave who attempted to escape, he will be
castrated
and then sent to work in the goldmines, never to see the light of day
again.”
Monsignor DaClue smiled.
“Yes,” he
said, “there is that possibility. He’ll
probably find
it much less pleasant than life on Battnuboye, but that’s
what he
has chosen.”
So the name of Gulls was not added to
the list of
those to be ransomed.
Soon after that I retired and we moved
back to
Sunday, where our children had remained. They are doing well
too,
in fact our eldest son was recently installed as Big Cheese, or, as he
prefers to be known, Grand Inquisitor of Sunday.
We now live in a pleasant suburb of New
Jackrusselham, not far from the
Stoons. Moiku was Permanent Secretary in the Department of
Integration for many years, though he is now retired, of course, and we
quite often see the Crumptins, Roquana and Tommuz and their children,
so, all in all, things turned out not too badly in the end.
My
wife and I are over seventy but still in remarkably good health, and we
know quite a few people who are nearly eighty, in fact Old Wullum lived
to be eighty-six, an extraordinary age for any human since the Great
Exodus and proof that our original home planet is the healthiest of all.
When I say eighty-six, I don’t
need to specify
Commonwealth or planetary years, for in our case they
coincide.
Our world is now well-known for its curative properties and people come
on short breaks from all over the Commonwealth to “recharge
their
batteries” as the saying is. We have a really
flourishing
tourist industry, and export herbal remedies by the ton – and
you
won’t be surprised to hear that the Royal Family’s
favourite holiday home is in the mountainous areas in the north of our
island, and there are even suggestions that the Commonwealth Government
should move here lock stock and barrel.
A more significant contribution to the
sum total of
human happiness was the rediscovery by a team of botanists, just a few
years ago, of a species of tree that we have never been able to
establish on any other planet. The ancient records were
consulted, and small-scale processing facilities successfully
established. As a result, we poor humans can taste again the
food
of the gods. For the first time since the Great Exodus
– we
have chocolate!
Please
remember that this story
is copyright.
See Copyright
and Concessions
for permitted uses.
***
Roquana:
Index.
Chapter
15: The Deputy Commonwealth Inquisitor
***
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