CHRONICLES
OF HALDEN, II
The
Banner:
|
a
dramatic
tetralogy
by
Robin
Gordon |
Part
3: Effie
Act III
-
Auksford, 2008 -
Back
to Effie Act I
Back
to Effie Act II
ACT III, SCENE 1
The
storage shed under the bridge. Tommo and Scouse are still
bound. Effie stands irresolute. Outside Willie is
rattling
at the doors and the Dragons are cheering and singing.
Dragons:
Hoo-ray! We’ll have
their trousers!
Hoo-ray!
We’ll have
their trousers!
Hoo-ray!
We’ll have
their trousers!
And
put them to the Cou-ount!
RAAAAY!
The
Dragons charge off into the
distance and their cheering and chanting gets fainter.
Tommo:
Come on! Get me loose! Effie! Come on!
Effie:
What …?
Tommo:
Untie me! Quick! There’s still time!
Effie:
But …
Tommo:
Hurry up! There’s still a chance we can all
get away!
Effie
hesitates.
Tommo:
Come on!
Effie
suddenly kneels beside Tommo and tugs furiously at his bonds.
Outside there is a sudden commotion and what sounds like a struggle.
Effie:
I can’t …
Tommo:
You’ve got to! They’re back.
They’re
attacking the guards. They’re gonna get us out
– you
as well!
Effie
redoubles her efforts.
Tommo:
Don’t jerk at the knots!
They
hear the youths outside
pulling away the bar that fastens the door. Effie hesitates.
Tommo:
Keep going!
Effie
tries again. The door is flung open. She jerks away
and
cowers in a corner. Two youths enter, dark silhouettes
against
the light.
First
youth (Nelly):
There they are! Come on!
They
charge in and grab Scouse
who begins to struggle violently.
Scouse:
No! Gerroff! Aaaargh!
Second
youth (Claggy):
Shurrup man!
It’s us.
Tommo:
Claggy?!
Claggy:
Yeah! We’ve come to get you out.
Nelly
and Claggy untie Tommo and
Scouse.
Nelly:
We thought you’d had it then. We followed them lads
…
Claggy:
… all singing about what they were gonna do to you
…
Nelly:
… and we thought we were too late …
Claggy:
… but they went charging off somewhere …
Nelly:
… so we jumped the two lads guarding you and took the keys
…
Claggy:
… and here we are!
Nelly:
Wank and ’Utch are outside sitting on the guards.
Effie:
Don’t hurt them!
Nelly
[grabbing
Effie]:
Who’s this then?
Effie:
Gerroff!
Tommo:
Leave her! She’s on our side.
Effie:
I’m not on anybody’s side.
Tommo:
You’re a peacemaker,
aren’t you? You want us to get
away, don’t you? You’re gonna help us get
the Banner
– or do you wanna be locked in here with the guards?
Effie:
You wouldn’t …!
Tommo:
I
don’t want to … but we’re getting away
– and
we’re taking the Banner if we can. It’s
the only way
we can stop the fights, innit?
Effie:
I suppose so …
Tommo:
So you’ll help us?
Effie:
I dunno what you expect me
to do.
Tommo:
Show us where it is.
Nelly:
Yeah, take us there!
Effie:
There’s a building near the engine sheds …
it’s in
there, but I don’t know where they’ve hidden it.
Tommo:
We’ll
find it! Come on! [Tommo
urges Effie
towards
the door]. You lot,
get them two guards in here
and lock it all
up like it was before. Make sure they can’t get out.
Effie:
What d’you want to do that
for?
Tommo:
Can’t let ’em go raising the alarm, or leave
’em
outside for people to see. Got to make it look like
we’re
still here. Come on. [He
takes her arm and
steers her
away,
turning his head to speak to the others].
Follow
us when
you’ve shut them in. Hey, Nelly …
Tommo
beckons Nelly and whispers something to him. Nelly grins and
nods. Tommo and Scouse lead Effie out. Nelly and
Claggy,
follow them out and, together with Wank and Hutch, drag in the guards.
ACT III, SCENE 2
The
old goods yard.
Effie, Tommo, Scouse,
Nelly, Claggy, Wank and Hutch come cautiously round the corner of a
rusty corrugated iron shed. Crouching among the weeds at its
corner they peer across an open space towards a tumbledown brick
building and some piles of rubble where another building has collapsed.
Effie: They keep it
somewhere over there.
Tommo: Where?
Effie: I think
it’s in that rubble.
Tommo: What?!
Nelly: Aw,
we’ll never find it in
there.
Scouse:
Let’s go home. We
don’t need it.
Tommo:
We’ve come for the Banner and
we’re taking it!
Claggy: We
can’t search that lot.
Scouse:
Somebody’ll see us.
Tommo [to
Effie]: Who knows
where it is?
Effie: The boys.
Tommo: All of
’em?
Effie: I think so.
Nelly: Right!
Let’s grab a lad and
force him to get it for us!
Wank: Yeah, and if
he doesn’t
we’ll have his knickers!
Effie: No!
Tommo:
Don’t be daft, man Wank, with
all that lot around.
Tommo
gestures around. The sound of cheering and chanting seems to
be all around them.
Effie:
There’s Sandra. Mebbe
she knows.
Nelly:
Let’s get her!
Tommo:
Wait! [To
Effie]:
Can you get her to come over here?
Effie:
You’ve got to promise not to
hurt her.
Tommo: Course we
won’t.
Cross me heart!
Effie: What
d’you want her for?
Tommo: To see if
she knows where the …
Scouse: Sh!
ACT III, SCENE 3
Little
Willie and the Dragons charge across the goods yard.
Dragons: Raaaay!
We’re going to take their trousers off!
We’re going to take their trousers off!
-- The Halden lads are wankers,
the Halden lads are wankers,
the Halden lads are wankers,
we’ll have their trousers off!
-- We’ll have their trousers off,
we’ll have their trousers off!
-- The Halden lads are wankers,
the Halden lads are wankers,
the Halden lads are wa-ankers,
we’ll have their trousers off!
They
crash into Sandra and send her sprawling against a wall.
Sandra: You stupid
little sods! What
d’you think you’re doing?
Willie: You can
shurrup, you bitch, or
we’ll have your
knickers off an’all!
Dragon Boy:
Yeah! Let’s have
a gang bang!
Dragons:
[The
boys nearest to Sandra cheer and begin singing]:
We’re gonna have a gang bang,
we’re gonna have a gang bang,
we’re gonna have a gang bang,
let’s have ’er knickers off!
[while
those
further away continue singing]:
The Halden lads are wankers,
the Halden lads are wankers,
the Halden lads are wankers,
we’ll have their trousers off!
Willie: Come
on! Lets get
’em!
The
Dragons charge away following Willie. Sandra glares after
them. Enter Ronno.
Ronno: Seen King?
Sandra: Did you see?
Ronno: What?
Sandra: Did you see
them little
monsters? Honestly, somebody ought to do summat about Little
Willie!
Ronno: Seen King?
Sandra: If I was
his mother I’d
’a done summat.
Ronno:
I’m supposed to meet him here.
Sandra:
He’s got no respect for
anything.
Ronno:
I’ve not seen him since I took
Effie to the bridge.
Effie: If
there’s anybody who deserves
to have his pants taken down it’s him.
Ronno: Who?
Effie: Yes,
I’d take his pants down
for him – and give him a right good thrashing too, on his
bare bottom.
Ronno:
Who? What are you talking about?
Effie: With a
leather belt! Or a
cane! Or I’d
do what me Auntie Irene did with their Maurice. He thought he
was
tough and all: swearing, staying out all hours of the night, throwing
his weight about in the house, pushing their Noleen about.
Ronno: Have you
seen King?
Effie: Yeah, he was
just the same at school too,
him and that gang of his.
Ronno: Only
I’m supposed to meet him
here.
Effie: Yeah, that
was really
good, that
was.
Ronno:
We’re gonna collect the Banner,
an’ then go
down to the engine sheds. Me and King – and Ken and
Stan
and them.
Effie: He’ll not hit her again, that’s
one
thing. Have you ever heard the like? Hitting his
own mother!
Ronno:
Can’t find Sid,
either. I think he’s gone home.
He’s not much of a fighter.
Effie:
He’s quiet as a mouse
now. Not a peep out of him.
Ronno: Yeah,
whenever there’s fighting
to be done he skives
off. Dunno how he caught Nails Palmer. Must have
been a
fluke. I think he’s yellow.
Effie: Scared of
his own shadow…
Ronno: Yeah.
Effie: …
and polite as anything.
Ronno: Bit of a
nancy-boy.
Effie: Yeah, she
made him go to school in short
pants for a week. Everybody laughed at him.
Ronno:
Who? Sid?
Sandra: Me cousin
Maurice.
Haven’t you been listening?
Ronno [exasperated]:
Have … you … seen … King?
Sandra: No.
Ronno:
He’d better show up.
La’al Willie and them are going mad.
Sandra:
That’s what I was
saying. Where’s Effie?
Ronno: Still in the
dungeon I suppose
– unless he’s let her out. Where is
he?
Sandra: Can I go
and talk to her?
Ronno: If you
want. Under the bridge.
Sandra: I
know. See ya.
Ronno: See
ya. Hey!
Sandra: What?
Ronno: What did she
send him to school in short
pants for?
Sandra [exasperated]:
Cos he never listened!
Exit Sandra. Ronno looks after her, shaking
his head pityingly. Then he climbs onto the roof of the
building
that is still standing and looks around. He turns his back on
the
corrugated iron shed where the Wild Bulls are hiding and looks out
towards the engine sheds.
ACT III, SCENE 4
Effie,
Tommo, Scouse, Nelly, Claggy, Wank and Hutch crouching behind the
corrugated iron shed.
Tommo: All clear.
Scouse:
Let’s get out of here.
Nelly: What about
the Banner?
Scouse: That
girl! She’s
going to the dungeon!
She’ll tell ’em we’ve got out!
They’ll be
after us!
Nelly:
Let’s get Ronno!
Wank: Force him to
give us the Banner.
Nelly: If he doesn’t
…
Scouse: Look
out! They’re
round the corner!
Claggy: Look out!
They
dive back into shelter and crouch down.
ACT III, SCENE 5
Ronno
is looking round from the roof. Ken and Stan hail him.
Ken: Ronno!
Stan:
Hey! Ronno!
Ronno:
Wha’?
Ken:
Where’s King?
Ronno: Dunno.
Stan: Is he
comin’?
Ronno: Yeah.
Stan: Better had!
Ken: Willie
an’ them’s going
mad.
Ronno: He’s
coming.
Stan: Better had!
Ken: He’d
better not let her
talk him out of
it.
Ronno: He
won’t.
Stan: Better not!
Ronno: He
won’t. Not this
time.
Ken: Willie and
them’s going crazy.
Stan:
Yeah. If he tries to stop
’em … well, he better not!
Ronno:
He’ll be here.
I’m waiting on him.
Ken: He better!
Exeunt
Ken and Stan. Ronno stays on the roof looking towards the
road.
ACT
III, SCENE 6
Behind
the corrugated iron shed. Effie, Tommo, Scouse, Nelly,
Claggy, Wank and Hutch.
Nelly: Whew.
Scouse:
Let’s get out of here before
they come back.
Tommo: How?
Scouse: Eh?
Tommo: How are we
gonna get out?
Ronno’s up on the roof there. He’ll spot
us as soon as we move.
Scouse: Oh.
Tommo:
There’s not a chance of anybody
getting out of here.
Nelly: We might
make it.
Claggy: We could
double back to the main line,
through the passage and under the bridge to the allotments.
Tommo: Oh
yeah? Cross the whole of the
old shunting yard
with all them Swarrell lads milling about. You can try it if
you
want.
Nelly:
It’s better than just sitting
here waiting to be caught.
Tommo: What do you
say, Scouse?
Scouse: I
… I dunno
… What about her?
Does she
know another way?
Effie: No.
Tommo: I
do, though.
Nelly: Eh?
Scouse: What?
Wank: Euh?
Tommo: We
can’t get out by running, so
we’ve got to
use trickery. Listen, we need a chance to get the van up
close.
Nelly: How are we
gonna do that?
It’s just as impossible for one of us to get out as for all
of us.
Tommo: Not if she
helps us.
Effie: Me?!
Tommo:
Yeah. Listen! Effie
goes and talks to Ronno, distracts his attention.
Nelly: Yeah?
Effie: But
I’m supposed to be locked
up with you lot.
Nelly: Yeah!
Tommo: Listen, will
ya? You tell him
King let you
out. You all heard him say he hasn’t seen King
since he
brought Effie to the dungeon.
Wild Bulls: Yeah.
Tommo: So, she
tells him King came down to look
at us and she promised to do whatever he wants, so he let her out.
Nelly:
What’s she doing over here,
though? Why isn’t she with King?
Tommo:
He’s sent ’er for the
Banner, stupid!
Nelly: What for?
Tommo: Cos he wants
it.
What d’you think?
Nelly: Yeah, but
what for?
Tommo: Him and his
mates are gonna make a
triumphal entry,
aren’t they? With the Banner.
Right? So
he’s sent her
for it. While she keeps him talking Hutch
nips out across the yard – [To
Effie]:
You’ve got to
keep his head turned, right? – And he brings up the
van.
Bring it right into the yard, ’Utch. And make sure
the
doors aren’t locked. Then we rush out and pile in,
and
we’re away before they realise what’s going on.
Silence while they digest this.
Scouse:
That’s brilliant!
That’s brilliant, Tommo! You’re the
greatest!
Tommo [modestly]:
Well …
Scouse:
It’s brilliant,
innit?
Nelly: Yeah, I
suppose so – if it
works.
Tommo:
It’ll work.
Effie: But what
about the Banner?
Scouse: Sod the
Banner!
Effie: I thought
you wanted to take it away to
stop the gang-fights.
Tommo: Yeah, we do
… but the main
thing’s to get
away. Tell you what: if you can get him to bring the Banner
before ’Utch gets back with the van, we’ll grab it
and take
it with us – but the main thing’s not to let him
get
suspicious. Keep him talking so we can get away.
Scouse: Yeah, we
don’t wanna get
caught and …
Tommo [to
Effie]: Will you do
it?
Effie: Yeah,
orright.
Tommo: Good
lass! Off you go!
They
watch Effie go off towards Ronno.
Tommo:
Right! Now she’s
gone, listen!
They
gather close around him.
Tommo:
She’ll keep ’im
talking. ’Utch brings up
the van – and don’t forget to unlock the doors,
right?
Hutch: Right.
Tommo: Then we rush
out, grab Ronno, bundle him
into the van and take him back to Halden with us.
Wank: Hey great!
Tommo:
Right! Gan on, Hutch!
Hutch
grins and leaves. They watch him run
furtively from the shed to a pile of rubble then to the next hiding
place as he makes his way towards the street gate.
Nelly: Think
he’ll make it?
Tommo:
He’d better – or
we’re all
up for the Count.
Wank: Is that
what they were gonna do to you?
Tommo: Pay us back
for Nails Palmer –
only worse.
Wank: The dirty
buggers! No wonder
Scouse was crying. The dirty buggers!
Tommo:
We’ll pay them
back when we
get Ronno to Halden.
Wild Bulls: Yeah!
Tommo:
’Utch better
’urry. If them guards get loose
… Did you do what I said?
Wank:
Yeah. Them two won’t
go looking for anybody.
Claggy
and Wank open their shirts and pull out the guards’ trousers.
Tommo: Good
lads. Two to us!
And if this works it’ll be four-nil to us.
Scouse:
She’s coming back!
Tommo: What?
Nelly: Yeah, and
Ronno’s going away.
Tommo: The stupid
cow!
Scouse:
It’s all gone wrong.
Nelly: What we
gonna do?
Tommo:
I’ll think o’ summat.
Enter
Effie.
Tommo:
What’s happened?
Where’s he gone?
Effie: For the
Banner.
Tommo: What?
Effie: What are you
getting mad for? I
did like you
said. I told him King had let us out cos I said I’d
do it
and he’d sent us for the Banner.
Tommo: He never
believed you?
Effie: Not at
first, but I persuaded him
– and he’s
gone for the Banner. He says he’ll bring it here.
Wank: Four-nil!
Tommo: Sh!
Effie:
What’s he mean?
Tommo: Nothing.
Effie: Where
d’you get
those? [She
indicates the jeans].
Wank: Off the
guards.
Effie: You
… you dirty
buggers! D’ya think
I’m gonna help
ya? You’re as bad
as Little Willie
– just
as bad. Worse!
You tell me a pack of lies just to
get me to help you. [To
Tommo]: You knew they had
those trousers,
didn’t you? You knew it the whole time.
Tommo: No I never!
Effie: Yes you did!
Tommo: I didn’t!
I told ’em to make sure the
guards didn’t get out and bring the rest of ’em
after us.
Effie: You told
’em to strip
them. You’re worse than any of them!
Tommo: No
I’m not! I didn’t
say strip ’em. All I said was stop ’em
coming after us.
Effie: You tell me
a great long story about
wanting the Banner
back to stop the fighting – and all you want is our
lads’
trousers for more banners. Tell me you’re a
peacemaker! Think I’d believe that now?
Think
I’m gonna help you? I
know what
you’re bringing
up the van for: you’re after Ronno, aren’t
you? Think
you’re gonna take him back to Halden, don’t
you?
You’re worse than any of them. You planned this all
along. Well I’m not
going to help
you!
Wank:
There’s nowt you can do.
Effie:
Isn’t there? I just
have to open me mouth and
yell, and they’d be all round here, the lot of them.
Tommo: Yeah, then
you’d have to
explain why you let us out, and why you’re still with us.
Effie:
You’re vile!
I didn’t
let you out.
Tommo: Try telling them
that.
Effie: I will!
I hope they get you. I hope they do to
you just the same as they did to Nails Palmer – and
I’m
gonna help them!
[Sings]:
Glory, glory, halleluiah,
glory, glory, halleluiah
glory, glory, halleluiah,
we’ve got Nails Palmer’s pants!
-- Nails Palmer came to Swarrell
with a thousand boys or more,
Nails Palmer came to Swarrell
with a thousand boys or more,
Nails Palmer came to Swarrell
with a thousand boys or more,
but we got his trousers off!
While
she sings Tommo and the others try to quieten her, but without success.
Effie: Glory,
glory, halleluiah,
glory, glory, halleluiah
glory, glory, halleluiah,
we’ve got Nails Palmer’s pants!
-- We sent Nails Palmer running back
to Halden in his shirt,
We sent Nails Palmer running back
to Halden in his shirt…
Effie’s
song is taken up by the Dragons who come sweeping round the corner.
Dragons: We sent
Nails Palmer running back
to Halden in his shirt,
cos we took his trousers off.
-- Glory, glory, halleluiah,
glory, glory, halleluiah
glory, glory, halleluiah,
we’ve got Nails Palmer’s pants!
Raaaay!
We’re going to take their trousers off!
We’re going to take their trousers off!
Raaay!
What shall we do with the Halden prisoners?
What shall we do with the Halden prisoners?
What shall we do with the Halden prisoners?
Take their trousers off them!
We’re going to take their trousers off!
We’re going to take their trousers off!
ACT III, SCENE 7
Elsewhere in the goods yard. Enter King and Ronno from
different directions, Ronno moving furtively,
carrying the Banner clasped to him. King is in haste.
King: Hey, Ronno!
Ronno [simultaneously]:
Hey, man, King. Where’ve you been?
King:
We’ve got to get after her
…
Ronno:
I’ve been looking …
King:
They’ve got out!
Ronno: …
all over for you.
What?
King: Listen, will
ya? I went down to
the dungeon …
Ronno: She said
you’d let her out. Listen, man, King,
you can’t go soft now. There’ll be a riot.
King: Will you shut
up?
Ronno: Little
Willie and the Dragons.
If you listen to her
… If you let the Halden lads go … Well
it’s
not just you,
its us
too, all
of us … me an Ken and Stan and Mal
and Dek and …
King: Will you shurrup?!
Ronno:
You’ve got
to do it now.
King: Look,
I’m trying to …
Ronno: If you let
them go Willie and
them’ll have your pants
off! It’ll be worse than Nails Palmer.
King: What?
Ronno:
I’m not trying to be funny,
King.
Honest. They’ll have mine
off
an’all. I’m
only telling you what it’s like. There’s
nothing’ll
stop ’em, the Black Dragons. He’s
worked ’em up. They’re out for
blood.
They’re after the Halden lads. If you listen to her
… oh, man. King … it’s not just your
pants
…
I’m not trying to say … anybody ’at gets
in their
way …
King: Shurrup,
will ya?
Ronno: Mine
as well, King. Mine
as well. Listen, the
way he’s got ’em worked up we’re all
keeping out
o’ their way.
King: Will
– you – shut – up?
Ronno: Sorry.
King:
That’s better. Now
listen! I went down to
the dungeon. They’ve escaped.
They’ve left Mal
and Dek there tied up – without their pants.
Ronno: What?
King: And
they’ve taken Effie!
Ronno: Eh?
King: Listen, will
ya?
They’ve taken Effie! We’ve got to rescue
her. If they …
Ronno: But
she’s with them.
King: I know
she’s with
them. They’ve taken
her.
Ronno: She went
with them. I’ve just seen her. She said
you wanted me to give her the Banner.
King: What?!
Ronno: I
didn’t believe her.
I’ve got it here.
King: The
bitch! The stinking, bloody,
rotten fucking bitch!
Ronno: Yeah.
King: All that
about peacemaking! –
And then she helps the
enemy to escape, takes the pants of Mal and Dek, and then tries to
steal the Banner! Bitch!
Ronno: Yeah.
King: Come on!
Ronno: Where?
King:
Where’d you see ’er?
Ronno: The old
office.
King: Right!
King
rushes off.
Ronno: Hang
on! Get the others
first! Oh, bloody hell!
Ronno
rushes after King.
ACT III, SCENE 8
Behind
the corrugated iron shed. Effie, Tommo,
Scouse, Nelly, Claggy and Wank are all crouching in hiding while the
Black Dragons chant and sing nearby.
Dragons:
We’re going to take their
trousers off!
We’re going to take their trousers off!
Raaaay!
The
Dragons rush off. The Wild Bulls are relieved.
Nelly: We should
get rid of her!
Claggy:
Yeah. She nearly got us caught.
Effie:
I’m sorry. I
didn’t mean it.
Nelly: What did you
do
it for then?
Scouse:
Sh! Quiet.
They’ll hear.
Nelly: What we
gonna do now, anyway?
Make a dash for the van?
Scouse: No!
Claggy:
It’s our only chance.
Scouse [terrified]:
They’ll catch us.
Nelly: Better
’n staying here.
Tommo:
No! Scouse is right.
We haven’t a chance
of getting across the goods yard. If we stay here
’Utch’ll bring the van, and then we can make a dash
for it
– like I said before.
Nelly: If
he got through.
Tommo: If he
didn’t we’ve no
chance anyway. He’s
got the keys.
Claggy:
Yeah. Tommo’s right.
Scouse: Look!
Nelly:
Friggin’ ’ell, now what?
Peering
through the weeds they see King and Ronno arrive and begin looking
around.
Scouse: They’re
looking for us! They
know we’re
here! We might as well just give up! We
can’t get
away now! There’s no way out. Hey, Tommo
…
d’ya think if we surrendered … if we handed over
our jeans
… d’you think they’d let us go?
Scouse
fumbles at his belt.
Tommo: You must be
daft. Course they
wouldn’t let us
go. You saw ’em, didn’t you?
You saw what they
were like. If they catch us, we’re for the Count.
Scouse
moans.
Tommo: Shurrup,
will ya!
They’ll hear. We’ll get out when
’Utch brings the van.
King: Effie!
Effie!
Nelly:
Whass’e shouting for her
for?
Claggy: What we
gonna do?
Effie:
I’ll go and talk to him.
Nelly: Stop
her! She’ll tell
him.
Effie: I won’t.
I’ll keep him talking while you get away.
Nelly:
She’ll tell him!
Effie:
I’ll keep him talking
– like Ronno.
Mebbe I’ll persuade him to let you go. Mebbe even
give you
the Banner.
They
look at Tommo. He hesitates.
King:
Effie!!
Scouse:
They’re getting nearer.
Tommo
is still hesitating. Suddenly Effie breaks away.
Nelly: Stop her!
Nelly
lunges at her. He is too late. She hurries towards
King and Ronno.
Scouse:
We’ve had it now.
Scouse
clutches his groin and moans.
Tommo: Let her go.
Nelly:
She’ll tell.
Tommo: Mebbe
not. Anyway
it’s too late. It
might work. If she keeps him there … the
van’ll be
here in a minute … yeah: when ’Utch comes with the
van, we
rush out and grab King. The Banner too if you can get it
–
but we’ve gotta get King. Hey, great, eh?
We come
right into Swarrell and snatch their leader right under their noses
– and when we get back to Halden … eh?
Nelly, Claggy and Wank:
Yeah!
ACT III, SCENE 9
The
goods yard. King
and Ronno are searching for Effie.
King:
EFFIE! Where are you, ya bitch?
Ronno:
Let’s get the lads first.
King: EFFIE!!
Ronno:
There’ll be a whole pack of
Halden boys.
King: EFFIE!!!
Enter
Effie.
Effie: What
d’ya want?
King: You
bitch! What d’ya
help them for? Why d’ya help ’em escape?
Effie: Who says I
did? Ronno?
King:
I’ve seen what you did to Dek
and Mal.
Effie: Yeah
… well … we
had to …
King: Talk about
peacemaking! – And
then you help the enemy
strip your own friends. All ladylike when I want you, but
you’d do owt for him,
wouldn’t you? Ya randy bitch!
Effie:
I’m sick of you, you
foul-mouthed pig!
I’m sick of being pushed around by you! Well,
it’s
over! Finished!
King:
Where’s them Halden lads?
Effie: Find out!
King: The
gang’s gonna do
them!
You’d better tell us where they are, or we’ll do
you too!
Effie: You and that
gang! Think
you’re really summat,
don’t you? Well, you’re
not leader any more!
Little Willie is!
King:
You’ll do what I say.
He
twists her arm.
Effie:
Gerroff! Ya great
pig! You think ya can push
me around? You think just cos I’m a girl ya can do
what ya
like?!
Ronno:
It’s cos you’re a
girl that he lets you get
away with it. If any lad had talked to King like you do
we’d have had his pants off.
King: What are you
so interested in them Halden
lads for?
Effie: Ow! Cos
… cos we’re
in the same boat.
King: Whadja mean?
Effie:
Aargh! Cos you treat me just
like them. You
wanna humiliate them and you wanna humiliate me. Well,
it’s
finished! After what you said you’d do,
I’d do
anything to put an end to you and your gang and all your
filth!
So just listen. You think I helped ’em
escape? Well,
you’re right! I helped ’em –
and I’m
still helping ’em. We’re gonna take that
Banner that
you’re so proud of! We’re gonna take it
back to
Halden! It’s the only way to stop Little Willie and
them
jeering at the Halden lads. It’s the only way to
stop the
fighting. I thought you had sense enough to see that, but you
haven’t. Well, there’s nothing you can do
to stop us
now, cos you’re surrounded. Look!
She
indicates Tommo’s hiding place.
ACT III, SCENE 10
Behind the corrugated iron shed. Tommo, Scouse
(still clutching his jeans, rocking back and forward and moaning),
Nelly, Claggy and Wank.
Tommo: The
bitch! She’s told
him!
Claggy:
There’s the van!
Tommo: Come
on! Let’s get
’im!
They
charge out. Claggy grabs Scouse and hauls him along with them.
ACT III, SCENE 11
The
goods yard. King, Ronno and Effie.
Tommo, Nelly, Wank and Claggy, who is hauling Scouse, charge out from
behind a shed.
Tommo: Get him!
They grab King and force him in the
direction of the
van. Effie grabs the Banner. Ronno flees, yelling
for
help. Effie sees that they are holding on to King.
Effie: What
…?
Nelly
grabs the Banner from Effie.
Effie: But
…?
Suddenly
the Black Dragons come charging across the goods yard. They
thunder past and surround the van.
Dragons:
Raaay! Get him!
We’re going to take his trousers off!
We’re going to take his trousers off!
We’re going to take his trousers off!
The
Dragons surround the van which comes to a complete stop. The
Dragons cheer and catcall.
Suddenly
they give an extra-loud cheer as a pair of
trousers are thrown up in the air. Further cheers follow as
the
trousers are thrown from boy to boy while the trouserless victim
stumble wildly after them, trying to catch them and at the same time
trying to avoid the clutching and poking hands of the Dragons.
Tommo and the Wild Bulls stop in
dismay. Effie is totally confused.
Ronno reappears with Ken and Stan. They
snatch the Banner from Nelly and take back Mal and Dek’s
trousers. The Wild Bulls, demoralised, let King go but make
no
attempt to flee. Scouse clutches his groin. His
knees come
together and he gradually sinks to a kneeling position on the ground.
King:
Right! Good ol’
Willie! Well done,
lads. [To
Tommo]: Thought
you’d escaped, did
you?
We’re gonna have some fun wi’ you lot, like Willie
an’ them with your van-driver! Six lads up for the
Count! And six more Banners for us! Raay!
We’re
the greatest!
Ronno,
Ken and Stan cheer.
Effie: No!
King: Then
we’ll have a gang-bang!
The
jeering Black Dragons drag their victim away from the van.
Willie:
Raaay! The Count!
The Count!
Dragons:
Yeah! Yeah! The
Count!
As
soon as the Dragons are clear of the van its
engine bursts into life and it hurtles towards King’s group,
which scatters.
The Wild Bulls hurl themselves into the
van. King, Ronno, Ken and Stan stand open-mouthed.
Suddenly
Effie leaps forward, grabs the Banner from
Ronno and races to the van. The Wild Bulls drag her inside
and
the van accelerates towards the gate. Ken makes a
half-hearted
attempt at pursuit, but it is obviously hopeless.
King:
We’d ’ave
’ad ’em if it hadn’t been for Willie!
Ronno: Stupid
little sod! What did
’e have to let that lad go for that was drivin’ the
van?
Ken and Stan: Yeah!
Willie
comes up to them with Steve, Pete, Andy and
other Dragons. Willie is brandishing a pair of trousers.
Willie: Great,
eh? Hey,
King! When are we gonna get started?
They’re all waiting.
Steve: Yeah,
there’s lads from all
over Swarrell.
Willie:
Let’s get the prisoners!
King: See that van?
Willie: Never mind
the van.
Let’s get ’em!
We’re going to take their trousers off!
We’re going to take their trousers off!
The
Dragons join in.
King: THE PRISONERS
ARE IN THE VAN!
Willie: What?
King:
THEY’RE IN THE VAN!
THE PRISONERS!
The
chanting stops.
Willie: What?!!
King: We had
’em cornered, but you
let them
escape! What d’you let the van-driver go for?
Willie: What
van-driver?
Ronno:
“What van
driver?” Stupid little
cunt! You were all round ’im pullin’
’is pants
off!
Willie: I
didn’t see any van.
Steve: There was
a van there.
Ronno: Course there
was.
Pete: When we were
after Jim Gormley.
Willie:
Yeah! We got his pants off,
didn’t we?
Willie
brandishes Jim’s trousers.
King: And you let
the prisoners
escape. We had ’em all rounded up – all
five of ’em.
Willie: Five?
Ronno: Yeah, five!
Willie: And
they’ve gone?
King:
Yeah. All five of ’em!
Willie [dismayed]:
What we gonna do? They’re all waiting.
They’ll slaughter us!
Ken:
Yeah. They’ve come from
all over.
Stan: Even the Dock
Street lads.
King: Right!
All: Eh?
King:
That’s it!
We’ve got an army.
We’re gonna smash Halden before they know what’s
coming to
’em – and when we get hold of Effie …
there’ll
be the biggest gang bang ever!
Willie [impressed]:
Hey! Ya mean it?
King:
Yeah! This is war!
Willie:
Raaay! Buckets o’
blood! Raaay! We’ll slaughter
’em!
We wanna battle!
We wanna battle!
Dragons: We wanna
battle!
We wanna battle!
Willie:
We’ll exterminate
’em! We’ll
liquidate ’em! We’ll take the
pants off
’em!
The Halden lads are wankers!
Dragons: The Halden
lads are wankers!
The Halden lads are wa-ankers!
We’ll take their trousers off!
We’ll take their trousers off!
We’ll take their trousers off!
The Halden lads are wankers!
The Halden lads are wankers!
The Halden lads are wan-ankers!
We’ll take their trousers off!
We’re góing to táke their
tróusers off!
We’re góing to táke their
tróusers off!
Exeunt
omnes, chanting.