CHRONICLES
OF HALDEN IIA
The
Banner:
|
a
dramatic
tetralogy
by
Robin
Gordon |
Part
3: Effie
-
Auksford, 2008 -
Characters
in order of
appearance
Little
Willie, leader of the Black Dragons
Sid Thatcher
Ken
Stan
Pete
Jake Thatcher (Old Jake), Sid’s father
Effie
Sandra
Ronno
King, leader of the Swarrell gang
Tommo
Scouse
Steve
Jim Gormley, aka Kim
Nelly
Claggy
Wank
Hutch
Mal & Dek, the guards
A Dragon Boy
Black Dragons
Swarrell gang
*
* *
Blessed
are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God.
-- Jesus
Christ: Sermon on the Mount
*
* *
Iphigenie:
Edel sei der Mensch, hilfreich und gut.
(Noble let Man be, helpful and good).
--
Goethe: Iphigenie auf Tauris.
*
* *
ACT
I, SCENE 1
Open
space between the old goods yard and the Alebeck, close to the
viaduct. The Swarrell gang is yelling insults across the
stream
to where they suppose the Halden lads to be skulking.
The younger
boys, led by Little Willie, are dressed entirely in black except for
dragons, mainly in red on the backs of their denim or plastic
jackets. They are in the forefront of the jeering, around Sid
Thatcher, who is carrying a banner made out of Nails Palmer’s
captured trousers attached to a pole. He flourishes this flag
in
time to the chants.
Ken, Stan.
Terry and some older youths are standing in the background, watching,
but not joining in much. They have no set uniforms.
Old Jake is
hanging about near the younger boys, a fag hanging from his mouth,
watching and rubbing his hands in glee as Sid’s antics call
forth
cries of “Nice one Sidney!”
Dragons:
“What have you got there?” said
Milder to Malder.
“We
may not tell you,” said Festle to Fose.
“It’s
our flag of battle,” said John the Red No-ose,
“It’s
our flag of battle,” said John the Red Nose.
“What
is it made of?” said Milder to Malder.
“We
may not tell you,” said Festle to Fose.
“It’s
Nails Palmer’s trousers,” said John the Red No-ose,
“It’s
Nails Palmer’s trousers,” said John the Red Nose.
“Where
did you get them?” said Milder to Malder.
“We
may not tell you,” said Festle to Fose.
“We
debagged Nails Palmer,” said John the Red No-ose,
“We
debagged Nails Palmer,” said John the Red Nose.
Raay!
We
wanna battle!
We
wanna battle!
Willie:
We want your trousers!
Dragons:
We want your trousers!
Sid
advances and
flourishes the Banner.
Dragons:
Raay! Good old Sid!
Nice
one Sidney!
Nice
one, son!
Nice
one Sidney!
Let’s
have another one!
Ken:
You can tell there’s nobody out there. You
wouldn’t find Sid out in front if there was any danger.
Stan:
Hey! Pete! What are you wasting your breath
for? There’s nobody there!
Pete:
Course there is! They’re scared to come out.
Willie:
They’re dead shanned ‘cos we’ve got their
leader’s kegs!
[Sings]:
Where are all the Halden lads?
Dragons:
Over there! Over there!
Willie:
What do we want?
Dragons:
We wanna battle!
We
wanna battle!
Ken:
You lot don’t need Halden for a battle – just
shadows.
Willie:
Nails Palmer’s kegs aren’t shadows, are
they? And we’ve got ’em.
[sings]
Nails Palmer came to Swarrell
with a million boys or more!
Dragons:
Nails
Palmer came to Swarrell
with a million boys or more!
Nails
Palmer came to Swarrell with
a million boys or more!
But
we got his trousers off!
Glory, glory, see our banner!
Glory, glory, see our banner!
Glory, glory, see our banner!
We’ve got Nails Palmer’s pants!
Raay!
We are the champions!
[Clap
cláp clap-cláp clap]
We
are the champions!
Willie:
Nails Palmer’s gang went running
for to save their yellow skins!
Dragons:
Nails Palmer’s gang went running
for to save their yellow skins!
Nails
Palmer’s gang went running
for to save their yellow skins!
But
we got Nails Palmer’s pants!
Glory, glory, see our banner!
Glory, glory, see our banner!
Glory, glory, see our banner!
We’ve got Nails Palmer’s pants!
Raay!
Jake:
Hee-hee-hee-hee, listen to this:
[Sings]
We’ll be coming for your trousers when we come
Dragons:
We’ll be coming for your trousers
when we
come!
Jake:
You’d best run to your mums
before
we bare your bums,
cos
we’re coming for your trousers when we come!
Dragons:
Raay! Good old Jake!
We’ll
be coming for your trousers when we come!
We’ll
be coming for your trousers when we come!
You
best run to your mums
before
we bare your bums,
cos
we’re coming for your trousers when we come!
Sid:
I didn’t know you could write poetry, Dad.
Jake:
Yeugh, where d’you think you got your
talent from? Not from your mother!
Willie:
Come on Sid! Where’s the Banner?
Sid
goes forward, flourishing the Banner.
Sid:
How’s
this?
[Sings]
See our Ba-anner!
Watch
the ma-anner
that
I wave it up and down,
for
we stripped Nails
to
his shirt-tails,
and
we drove him out of town!
Dragons:
Raay! Good old Sid! What a poet, eh? What
a poet!
Nice
one, Sidney!
Nice
one, son!
Nice
one, Sidney!
Let’s
have another one!
Jake
[scowls and
gives Sid a
V-sign behind his back, and mutters]:
Yah! Dirty little wanker!
Pete:
Look! There’s one! Near the railway
bridge!
Dragons:
Where? Where?
Pete:
He’s gone. Under the bridge.
Willie:
Let’s get him! Bring the Banner! Come on,
Sid! Charge!
Sid:
Wait! Wait! It could be a trap.
Willie:
Aw, don’t be daft!
Jake:
Sid’s right.
Willie:
What d’you know?
Jake:
The Japs
were always up to that sort of trick. You’d see one
of
’em moving in the jungle, and you’d go and get him
–
and the next minute there’d be a hundred and fifty of the
little
yellow bastards on top o’ you.
Willie:
Aw …
Jake:
It’s true! A lot of my friends were killed that way
–
and they were the lucky ones. Some of ’em were
taken
alive.
We could hear their screams.
Willie:
You never had no friends – anyway it’s not Japs,
it’s Halden lads out there.
Sid:
I think we should go for reinforcements.
Willie:
Yellow! Give me the Banner!
Willie
grabs the Banner.
Ken grabs it from Willie.
Ken:
Hang on! This isn’t a Dragon banner, it’s ours!
Stan:
Yeah! And you’re not taking it anywhere without
King’s permission!
Willie:
I’ll have banners of me own! Come on, lads!
Ken:
More likely lose your own kegs!
Willie:
Eh?
Ken:
If
there’s anybody out there, there’s not just
one. You
lot have got yourselves all worked up. You’ll grab
the
Banner and go rushing across the beck and under the bridge.
How
many d’you think are waiting for you on the other side of the
bridge?
Willie:
How do I
know?
Ken:
See! Well I divven’t care if you lose your own
trousers, but you’re not taking the Banner!
Willie:
An ambush?
Ken:
Bright, inn’e?
Willie:
The dirty bastards! They’re not getting away with
this! Let’s get the rest of the gang together!
Ken:
Now
you’re talking sense. Hey! Some of you
stay here and
keep the chanting going, but don’t cross the beck!
Some
of the boys go over to the
beck and start chanting again, others go off to find the rest of the
gang. Sid and Jake stand irresolute for a moment, then they
slope
off together, taking the Banner with them.
ACT I, SCENE 2
Effie
and Sandra are watching from the viaduct.
Effie:
Just
look at them! Just look at them! Honestly, Sandra,
I’m so fed up with the way they go on I could just turn me
back
on the whole lot of them.
Sandra:
Even Ernie?
Effie:
Huh! Ernie King!
Sandra:
You like him though, don’t you.
Effie:
I’ve liked a lot of people.
Sandra:
Used to like Sid Thatcher.
Effie:
I
thought it would be orright when he
joined the gang. I thought
he’d calm ’em down. But he’s
just as bad as any
of’ em – going about waving those trousers like a
flag. He just encourages Little Willie, you know.
Sandra:
He likes to see lads having their knickers taken off. It
gives him a thrill.
Effie:
Well, it doesn’t give me
a thrill. I
think it’s disgusting. King should put a stop to it.
Sandra:
Oh,
come on, Effie. What harm does it do? Hey, remember
when we
were in Miss Foster’s class and that fat boy pulled Deirdre
Whassername’s hair and we got him in the corridor and shoved
him
in the girls’ cloakroom? Hey, he
knew what we were after,
didn’t he? Remember how he started crying even
before we
touched him. Hey, you just had to say,
“Deirdre’s
looking for you,” for weeks after, didn’t
you?
“Deirdre’s
looking for you”
and he nearly jumped out
of his skin.
Effie:
What d’you wanna go talking about things like that for?
Sandra:
Why
not? I’m just remembering the old days.
They call it
nostalgia. It’s all the rage now – and
anyway, I
didn’t notice you
hanging back. I didn’t notice you
telling us not to be such naughty girls.
Effie:
Well
… he stole my protractor … and he tore my
geography
book. He was always making trouble… Well,
it’s
tradition, innit? … When you’re at school
… when a
boy really deserves it … I mean when you’ve got to
teach
him a lesson he won’t forget …
Sandra:
… you debag him!
Effie:
You’re just trying to put me in the wrong.
Sandra:
Well
you’re trying to put everyone else in the wrong,
aren’t
you. I thought it would be good when you and Ernie took a
real
fancy to each other like that.
Effie:
Aw Sandra, what am I gonna do?
Sandra:
What d’you mean?
Effie:
Well, I
like Ernie – I mean it’s not like when you and me
and him
and Ronno used to go down behind the engine sheds. I mean,
that
was just … well it didn’t matter, did
it? It
didn’t matter who you were with, sometimes one, sometimes the
other – and, well it was nice, even if you didn’t
want to
…
Sandra:
Yeah, that’s another thing. Everybody thinks we did.
You know that, don’t you?
Effie:
Well I
know we didn’t, and he
knows we’re not going to, and that’s all that
matters.
Sandra:
Hey, d’you wanna marry him?
Effie:
I dunno … I wanna … I wanna save
him.
Sandra:
Wha’?
Effie:
I dunno
what I mean … Yes I do. It’s all this
fighting. I wanna get him to stop it before it’s
too late.
Sandra:
What d’you mean: too late?
Effie:
It’s getting worse – like they talk about on telly:
escalating.
– One day there’s gonna be a real
battle.
Somebody’ll mebbe get killed.
Sandra:
Never!
Effie:
It’s serious, Sandra. The boys from Halden are just
boiling to get their own back.
Sandra:
So Ernie King gets debagged? Well, he’ll survive it.
Effie:
Why
d’you have to be so … I don’t
know. Why
d’you have to make everything into a joke?
It’s
… I can’t tell you. You’d just
laugh.
Sandra:
No I wouldn’t. Honest.
Effie:
All right. Listen. I know what I’ve got
to do. I’ve got to be a PEACEMAKER.
Sandra:
What?
Effie:
A peacemaker!
Listen, Sand: I was at church last Sunday …
Sandra:
Church?!
Effie:
Yeah. Me auntie goes to St Lazarus’s every week,
only she had flu, so I had to go wid’ er.
Sandra:
Oh, yeah. That’s what I call a real Christian
attitude.
Effie:
What? Going with her?
Sandra:
No. Her.
Making sure everyone else got their share.
Effie:
She said the Lord would make sure no-one else got it.
Sandra:
And did He?
Effie:
How do I know?
Sandra:
Didn’t make much of a job of protecting her
from it, did He?
Effie:
Listen,
I’m trying to tell you something, aren’t
I? Something
important. There was this visiting preacher there –
seems
they can’t get a regular vicar at St
Lazarus’s…
Sandra:
I’m not surprised.
Effie:
… so they take turns from round about. Anyway, he
was really good. He preached a fabulous
sermon.
Sandra:
Handsome, was he?
Effie:
I didn’t notice.
Sandra:
Young?
Effie:
Quite young. I didn’t really pay much attention.
Sandra:
Ooh,
Effie! D’you wanna be a vicar’s
wife? You have
to be careful? You start fancying any of the choir-boys and
you’ll be in the Sunday newspapers.
Effie:
There you go again! Making jokes of everything.
Anyway, vicars have to be celibate.
Sandra:
That’s only Catholics.
Effie:
Look, do you wanna hear or not? Cos I don’t have
to tell you.
Sandra:
Go on! Go on! Tell us!
Effie:
Well shurrup your laughin’ then.
Sandra:
Yeah, orright. Tell us.
Effie:
Well, he
was talking about violence and that – intolerance, you
know? About how nobody listen’s to anybody, and
they’re all having strikes and that, and wars, and terrorists
chucking bombs, and that. And he said this bit out
o’ the
Bible: Blessed
are the Peacemakers, for they shall be called the
children of God. I
thought it was ever so wise.
Sandra:
Yeah, well, the Bible is wise, innit? That’s what
it’s for.
Effie:
I talked to him afterwards. He was standing at the door
shaking hands with all of the people.
Sandra:
Can’t have been at St Lazarus before, or he’d have
known better.
Effie:
I said,
“What you said is just like what it’s like round
here.” I said, “All the boys are always
out just
looking for trouble,” and do you know what he said to me?
Sandra:
What?
Effie:
I
remember the exact words. They’re engraved on my
heart
forever, like Calais
was on Queen Bloody Mary’s – and
that’s not
swearing.
Sandra:
Yeah, but what?
Effie:
He said:
“Ah yes, it’s always a problem keeping the chaps
apart when
their blood is up, but that’s where you chapesses come
in.
You could have an immense influence for good, you know. Just
think about it when you’re having your Quiet Time tonight and
ask
the Lord to guide you.
Sandra:
Dunn’e talk funny – and woss’e mean Quiet Time?
Effie:
Suppose He means saying your prayers.
Sandra:
Did you then? Did you say your prayers?
Effie:
Don’t be daft. [She sees Ronno coming].
Hey, shurrup, eh?
Enter
Ronno
Sandra:
Ooh, look what the cat’s dragged in.
Ronno:
Shurrup. I’ll see you later – behind the
engine sheds.
Effie
turns away in disgust.
Sandra:
Maybe.
Ronno:
Has she still got her knickers in a twist?
Effie:
She
is
not prepared to let herself be pawed about by a great, randy hooligan
– if he means me – and you can tell him.
Sandra:
She doesn’t want him to paw her about.
Ronno:
I heard.
Sandra:
It’s got ears.
Ronno:
You’re looking for a belt round yours.
Sandra:
Ooh, yes. It’ll keep me hair in order.
Can I have yours.
Sandra
grabs at Ronno’s belt.
Ronno:
You can have whatever you like – when we get behind the
engine sheds.
Ronno
and Sandra embrace. Effie looks away. Ronno breaks
off.
Ronno:
But I’ve got to talk to her
first – about King.
Sandra:
She’s made up her mind: she won’t have him.
Ronno:
Aw, come
on, Effie, be reasonable. I mean, he really likes you
– and
it’s not as if you’ve never been behind the engine
sheds
with us.
Effie:
Don’t be disgusting!
Ronno
[to
Sandra]: Well it
isn’t, is it?
Effie:
You know we never did anything.
Ronno:
You came, though, and we had some good times, didn’t we?
– [to Sandra] What’s she got against King?
Sandra:
Nowt. It’s not like that. She’s
just got this thing about being a peacemaker.
Ronno:
Well she’s making King’s heart race.
Isn’t that enough for her?
Sandra
[playfully
punching him]: Not
a pacemaker,
clot – a peacemaker.
Ronno:
Well she’s not making much peace between me and
King. He thinks it’s cos of me
she won’t have him.
Effie:
You?!
You must be daft
if you think I care about you! – [to
Sandra]: Have you ever heard
anything like it? You let them kiss
you a couple of times and they think they’re God’s
gift.
– [to Ronno]:
You?!
You just don’t understand
anything, do you – any of you. [to Sandra]:
They all think
if a girl doesn’t fancy a fella it’s because she
fancies
some other bloke. They never think there might be other
reasons.
Sandra:
Sex-mad they are.
Effie:
Nothing but sex and violence! It was bad enough before, but
you’ve really
started summat now.
Ronno
[to
Sandra]:
What’s she on about?
Sandra:
Nails Palmer.
Effie:
And
you’re making it worse, waving those jeans like a red rag to
a
bull. How d’you think it’s going to end.
Sandra:
With King in his underpants.
Ronno
[furiously
turning on
Sandra]: Shurrup,
will ya?
Effie:
Somebody’s going to get really hurt.
Ronno
[to
Sandra]: What
d’you wanna go and say things like that for?
Effie:
I said
someone’s really gonna get hurt one of these days and
it’s
all your
fault. You want to
grow up and stop behaving like
savages!
Ronno
[to
Sandra]:
You always have to make fun of everything, don’t
you? You
think everything and everybody’s just one great joke.
Sandra:
I don’t need to make you lot into a joke.
You’re one already – and here comes the punchline.
Enter
King.
King:
Hi, Effie.
Effie:
Huh!
Ronno:
’Lo, King.
King:
What you doing here, Ronno?
Ronno:
Nothing.
King:
Trying to get off with ’er behind my back!
Ronno:
No.
King:
Oh yeah?
Ronno:
If you must know I was trying to put in a word for you.
King:
I can put in me own words, thank you – so bugger
off! And take that sniggering cow with you.
Ronno:
Come on, Sand.
Sandra
[shaking
him off]:
I can walk, thank you! I’m not an invalid.
Exeunt
Ronno and Sandra.
King:
Effie?
No
reply.
King:
I said: Effie!
Still
no reply.
King:
Listen woman, I’m talking
to you. Look at
me when I’m talking to you.
Effie:
I’m not your dummy,
you know. I’ve got a mind of me
own. I don’t just say the words you
put into me mouth.
King:
That’s obvious.
Effie:
I’m not your property.
King:
I never
said you were. Aw, Effie, what are we quarrelling
for?
It’s not right. I love you, Effie. There,
I’ve
said it.
Effie:
And what do you expect me
to do?
King:
Well, you could
say you love me.
Effie:
Yes, I could – and I do.
King:
Well then?
He
puts his arm around her. She resists.
King:
Well what’s wrong? Don’t you like me
touching you?
Effie:
Yes, course I do – I do, I really do, Ernie – but I
won’t.
King:
What?!
Effie:
Not till you stop
it.
King:
Stop what? I mean, do
you want me to touch you or don’t
you, and if you do, what have I got to stop
it for?
Effie:
Till you stop the violence and that.
King:
Eh?
Effie:
The gang
fights. Blessed are the peacemakers! You
should’ve
been at church, you’d have heard him. Blessed are
the
peacemakers.
King:
Turn the other cheek, you mean. Like Nails Palmer.
He got religion – and where did it get him?
Effie:
He’s marrying Marlene Foster.
King:
Is
he?
Effie:
Settling down. Giving up the gang.
King:
Way I
heard it they took the pants off him and kicked him out. He
didn’t give up anything – he was
finished. What sort
of a gang-leader d’you call that? Stripped by his
own
gang! He had nowt to give up. Now me, I’m
top
gang-leader for miles around – everybody knows.
I’m
the King!
But I’d give it all up for you, Effie.
Everything. It wouldn’t just be like anybody else
leaving
the gang – it’d be like abdication.
Effie:
Like the Duke of Windsor?
King:
That’s
right. What d’you say?
Effie:
You’ll have to give it up soon enough anyway.
King:
I was trying to … well …
Effie:
Oh,
Ernie, I really do like you, and I think it’s really great of
you, really generous … noble – but it’s
not what I
want.
King:
What then?
Effie:
I want you to stop it. I want you to be a peacemaker.
King:
What?
Effie:
Stop the fighting.
King:
But
we’ve always had fights against Halden. As long as
there’s been Swarrell and Halden there’s been
fights
between Swarrell lads and Halden lads. It’s natural.
Effie:
It
isn’t!
Just cos it’s always gone on doesn’t
make it natural. It’s wrong,
Ernie – and it’s
getting worse … It is.
Look! You took the pants off
Nails Palmer. You sent him back to Halden in his
shirt.
Nobody’s ever done that before.
King:
We never captured him before.
Effie:
They’re down there at the Alebeck, waving his trousers about
on a
pole, taunting the Halden lads, day after day.
They’ve
never done that before.
King:
We never had his pants off before.
Effie:
That’s what I’m saying. It’s
getting
worse. You’ve got to stop it before it’s
too late
– before somebody really gets hurt.
There’s only you
can do it. You’ve got to stop all of it –
the
fighting and the violence – and Little Willie and his
initiation
ceremonies.
King:
What initiation ceremonies?
Effie:
You
know.
King:
There’s no initiation ceremonies in my
gang.
Effie:
Your
gang? What d’you mean: your gang?
Why
don’t you open your eyes for a change? I mean the
Black
Dragons.
King:
Them la’al lads that hang around wi’ Willie?
Effie:
Oh,
you’ve noticed have you? All those sweet little
boys all
dressed in black – with the pretty dragons painted on the
backs
of their jackets. Have you noticed how many there are?
King:
No.
Effie:
Well take a look some time.
King:
Doesn’t matter how many there are.
They’re all part of my gang.
Effie:
Your
gang doesn’t have initiations. The Black Dragons do
–
and you can guess what sort. You
know Little Willie.
He’s got only two ideas in his head: fighting and taking off
other lads’ trousers. You played right into his
hands with
Nails Palmer – and it’s up to you to stop him!
King:
No but listen …
Enter
Ronno and Ken in haste.
Ken:
King! Come on! There’s a battle!
King:
What?
Ronno:
Down by the Alebeck! Willie and them!
Ken:
They’re gan after the Halden lads!
Effie:
You’ve got to do something!
Ken:
If we
hadn’t told them to wait for you they’d have gone
rushing
out and got themselves clobbered in an ambush.
Ronno:
And lost the Banner!
Ken:
Come on, man!
King:
Let’s go!
Exeunt
King, Ronno and Ken.
ACT I, SCENE 3
The
goods yard. An open space near the engine sheds.
The gang have assembled and are milling around.
Dragons
[Chanting]:
We’re góing to táke their
tróusers off,
we’re
going to take their trousers off,
we’re
going to take their trousers off!
[Singing]:
We sent Nails Palmer running back
to Halden in his shirt,
we
sent Nails Palmer running back to Halden in his shirt,
we
sent Nails Palmer running back to Halden in his shirt,
cos
we took his trousers off!
[Chanting]:
We’re going to take their trousers off,
we’re
going to take their trousers off!
[Singing]:
Now Swarrell’s going to strip the pants
off all the Halden lads,
now
Swarrell’s going to strip the pants off
all the Halden lads,
now
Swarrell’s going to strip the pants
off all the Halden lads,
we’ll
take their trousers off!
[Chanting]:
We’re going to take their trousers off,
we’re
going to take their trousers off!
Willie:
Let’s gettem! [Chants]:
We’re going to take their trousers off!
Stan:
Wait! Wait for King!
Willie:
Where is he? Where is he then?
Stan:
He’s coming.
Willie:
Where’s the Banner?
[Sings]:
See our Banner, watch the manner
that
I wave it up and down …
[Breaks
off]:
Where’s Sid? Where’s the
banner? Where’s King?
Enter
King. Loud cheers. He climbs onto a pile of rubble.
Stan:
There’s King!
More
cheering.
Willie:
Now
we’ll go for ’em! We’ll smash
’em
up! We’ll kick their heads in!
We’ll rip
’em to pieces!
Gang:
Raaay! Yeah! Yeah! Raaaay!
Willie:
We’ll murder ’em! We’ll
slaughter ’em!
Gang:
Yeah!
Willie:
We’ll decimate ’em! We’ll
annihilate ’em!
Gang:
Yeah! Raaaay!
Willie:
We’ll pulverise ’em! We’ll
garrotte ’em!
Gang:
Yeah! Yeah!
Willie:
We’ll hang, draw and quarter ’em!
We’ll put sticky burrs down their necks!
Gang:
Yeah!
Willie:
We’ll debollock ’em and kick ’em in the
teeth!
Gang:
Raay!
Willie:
We’ll liquidate ’em! We’ll
throw’em in
the nettles! We’ll
exterminate’em! We’ll
blow their brains out! We’ll put a half-nelson on
’em!
Gang:
Yeah! Yeah!
Willie:
We’ll bash ’em and kick ’em and knife
’em and
stab ’em and spear ’em and rip ’em and
slash
’em and hack ’em to pieces!
Gang:
Raaaay!
Willie:
There’ll be nowt left but blood! Buckets
o’ blood! Buckets o’ blood!
Stan
[squawking
mockingly]: Pieces
of eight! Pieces of eight!
Some
of the older lads laugh.
Willie:
What
are we waiting for? We’ll sacrifice
’em!
We’ll slaughter ’em! We’ll take
the pants
off
’em!
Gang:
Raaaay!
Dragons
[chant]:
We’re going to take their trousers off!
We’re
going to take their trousers off!
Ronno:
QUIET! QUIET! SHURRUP!
Ken:
Listen to King!
Stan:
We’re ready! Just say the word, King!
Some
Dragons are still chanting. Ronno, Ken and Stan descend among
them like prefects and restore order.
King:
That’s better. So, you want a battle?
Gang:
Yeah! Yeah!
King:
Against Halden?
Gang:
Yeah!
Willie:
We’ll spifflicate ’em! We’ll
marmelize ’em!
Ronno
cuffs him. The gang laugh.
King:
Yeah, Swarrell rules! We’re the greatest!
[Chants]:
We áre the chámpions!
The
gang take up the chant and continue till King signals them to stop.
King:
Yeah! We’re the champions! Nobody looks
at us, or
they know what they’ll get. We’re better
than
Manchester United! As for Halden – what did we
do? We
got their leader – and we took the pants
off him!
Gang:
Raaay!
Ronno
[sings]:
Nails Palmer came to Swarrell with
a million boys or more,
Gang:
Nails
Palmer came to Swarrell with
a million boys or more,
Nails
Palmer came to Swarrell
with a million boys or more,
but
we took his trousers off!
King
signals for silence.
King:
Yeah! We took the pants off Nails Palmer to use for our
Banner!
Gang:
Raaaay!
King:
The Banner of Swarrell!
Gang:
Raaay!
Ronno
[singing]:
“What have you got there?” said
Milder to Malder.
Gang
[singing]:
“We may not tell you,”
said Festle to Fose.
“It’s
our flag of battle,” said John the Red No-ose.
“It’s
our flag of battle,” said John the Red Nose.
[Cheering
and clapping]:
Raay! We wanna battle!
We
wanna battle!
King
signals for quiet.
King:
While we
have the Banner, we’re top gang! We
conquered Halden!
We took the pants off their leader! We’re top gang
in
Swarrell! We’re top gang everywhere!
Gang:
Raaay! Raaaay! We are the champions! We
are the champions!
King:
As long
as we have the Banner, we’re the greatest!
We’re the
greatest there ever was. We’re the greatest that
ever will
be!
Gang:
Raaay!
King:
Defend the Banner!
Gang:
Raay! Defend the Banner! Defend the Banner!
Ronno:
Long live King!
Gang:
Raaay!
King:
We’ll follow the Banner into battle! The Banner of
King’s gang! The Banner of Swarrell!
Gang:
Raaay! The Banner of Swarrell! Raay! We
wanna battle!
King:
But
defending it is one thing! Throwing it away by rushing off
into
the marshes with it, like some of you wanted to, is another!
We’re top gang! We
decide when there’s going to be a
battle – and where! We don’t just go
charging in
half-cock when Halden say “Come on!” We
don’t
just go rushing into their ambushes without thinking! We
decide
when there’s a battle. And when there’s a
battle we
do it right!
Willie:
Wass’e on about?
Pete:
Sh!
King:
When
there’s a battle, we decide! King’s
gang decide, cos
we’re top gang. I
decide! I’m the King!
Ronno:
Long live the King!
Willie:
What about Halden? What about the battle?
King:
Halden?! If it wasn’t for the smell we
wouldn’t even
know they were there! Halden? They’re
nowt!
They’re not worth bothering about. We’ve
already
annihilated ’em – and we’ve got their
leader’s
trousers!
Gang
[doubtfully]:
Raay.
Ronno:
The Banner of King’s gang!
Gang:
Raaay!
King:
The Banner of Swarrell!
Gang:
Raaay!
King:
Where is it anyway?
Ken:
Gone. Sid took it.
Stan:
Nicked off when things started getting too hot.
Ken:
Yeah.
Willie:
We want the Banner!
Dragons:
We want the Banner! We want the Banner!
King:
Sid’s got more sense than any of you. How many
Halden lads are out there? Well? How many?
Pete:
Dunno.
King:
And where are they?
Willie
[scornfully]:
Over there!
King
[even
more scornfully]:
Yeah, over there.
You don’t know how many
there are, and you don’t know where
they are. But they
know where you
are, and how many. So
what happens when you go charging into the marshes?
Willie:
We take …
King:
I’ll tell you what happens! You lose the Banner!
Ronno:
The Banner of King’s gang! The Banner of Swarrell!
King:
… and before we can get you out of trouble half of you are
in your shirt-tails!
Buzz
of consternation.
King:
You never stop to think, do you? It’s
the oldest trick in the world. They let you see a few of
’em. You chase ’em – and you
run right into a
trap! Well I
decide when there’s going to be a battle
– and right now there’s not!
Mutterings
and murmurings, some assenting some dissenting.
King:
We’re gonna nick off out of here, dead
quiet, right? Suddenly there’s no sign of us, and
no sound
from us either. They won’t know whether
we’re behind
the engine sheds or behind them.
They might hang around for hours
waiting in the marshes. I hope they get pneumonia.
Right! Bugger off the lot of you!
King,
Ronno, Ken and Stan remain standing
together on the heap of rubble glaring fiercely. The other
boys
begin to move away back towards Swarrell.
King
[to
Ken and Stan]:
Watch they don’t come back.
Ken
and Stan move away after the others.
King
[to Ronno]:
D’you reckon that’ll
make her happy?
ACT I, SCENE 4
Just
inside the gates of the goods yard. Ken
and Stan and a few other older boys come from the direction of the
engine sheds.
Ken: What are King
and Ronno up to? D’you reckon they’ve
gone soft all of a sudden.
Stan:
It’s them tarts
that’s behind it.
Ken:
D’you reckon everybody gets too old, all of a sudden just
like that, and starts taking orders from bints?
Stan: Could be.
Ken: Never! He
must’a known summat. He must’a
known it was a trap. We don’t wanna lose the Banner.
Stan [mockingly
parroting
Ronno]: The Banner
of King’s gang! The Banner of Swarrell!
They
laugh
jeeringly.
Ken: Or mebbe he
was just letting La’al Willie know who’s boss.
Stan:
Yeah. Could be.
Ken: Hey, look!
Willie
and the
Dragons
come in through the gates,
comparatively quietly. The older youths move to block their
passage.
Ken: Hey,
Willie! Where ya gan?
Willie: Where
d’ya think? We’re gonna take the pants
off the Halden lads!
Dragons: Yeah!
Ken: Lose your own,
more like!
Willie: You watch
it, you!
Ken: Yeah?
Willie: Yeah!
Ken: Oh
yeah? Try threatening someone your own
size, Little
Willie!
The
Dragons move
in
closer.
Willie:
Doesn’t matter how big you are, we can still get you!
Pete:
Yeah! Don’t try being funny wid’ us.
Willie: Nobody
shoves the Black Dragons around.
Stan:
Nobody’s shoving you around. We’re just
telling you for your own good. Listen, if King thought we
could’a just walked in and wiped the floor with Halden, taken
the
pants off them and walked out again, he’d have done it.
Ken:
Yeah. There’s things you don’t know,
La’al Willie.
Willie: Like what?
Ken:
You’ll find out. Go on! We’re
not
going to stop you. But don’t expect us to come and
save you.
Stan:
They’ll have the pants off you – every one of you.
Ken: Go
on! What are you waiting for?
The
big lads move
out of
the way. The Dragons hesitate.
Willie: Yeah,
we’re going – and when we come back we’ll
have a banner each.
[Chants]:
We’re going to take their trousers off!
We’re going to take their trousers off!
The
Dragons join
in
raggedly, without much conviction.
Steve: Hey
look! There’s Kim Gormley!
Steve
points out
into the
street.
Willie:
Raaay! Let’s geddim!
Dragons: Raaaaay!
We’re going to take his trousers off!
We’re going to take his trousers off!
The
Dragons swarm
off out
of the gate, cheering and chanting.
Ken: They
don’t care whose pants they’re after, do they?
The
older boys
stroll off
through the gates.