Roquana
by
Robin Gordon
Auksford 2013
©
Copyright Robin Gordon, 2013
Auksford index. -- Index to Robin Gordon's works. -- Roquana: index.
Book
III: New Jackrusselham
***
Chapter 11: The Trial
It was
immediately apparent that a trial before the Holy Synod bore little or
no relation to a trial before a court of law. There was to be no
presentation of the respective cases for the prosecution and defence,
indeed there was no defence counsel at all, and the functions of
prosecuting counsel and presiding judge were united in one person, the
acting President of the Holy Synod, Monsignor Gulls.
He was at his most silkily persuasive, and his
careful laying of stress on prepositions and conjunctions gave his
discourse a spurious air of significance and authority while at the
same time, lulling his hearers into a semi-soporific state in which he
could slide imperceptibly from truths to half-truths, from half-truths
through increasingly damning innuendos to downright lies. Like
the hypocritical Wizard in the surviving fragments of the Gospel
According to St Joyur Tullkine he could have convinced the most
sceptical among us that black was white.
“In
the absence of Her
Excellency, President Bananas,” he began, “it necessarily
falls to me as Procurator of the Holy Synod to undertake her functions and in particular to preside over this trial which has
unfortunately become necessary. I am sure that all Members of the Holy Synod will join with me in sending to our beloved President our very
best wishes and our hopes
that, following a course of
medical and psychological
treatment, she may recover from
her very grave illness, be fully restored to health and resume her duties as President of our Colony here on Sunday.
“The reason for
our beloved President’s indisposition, as we all know, was that she
received a severe shock and
was so appalled by certain
slanderous misinformation that she suffered fit of apoplexy and had to be
immediately placed under
sedation if her life was to
be saved. What those slanders were, and who was responsible for them, will form part of the
matter to be discussed at
this trial.
“The accused is Sulamun Tadler, a
long-standing member of the
Holy Inquisition, an institution for which I, and indeed all members of the Holy Synod, have nothing but the greatest respect. The
Holy Inquisition is a guarantor of liberty and freedom from oppression by criminal elements not only here on Sunday but throughout the
Commonwealth. The continued moral health of the populations of the multifarious planets within the Commonwealth depends
absolutely on the rectitude and uprightness of the guardians of the Commonwealth ethos, that is of the Inquisitors. They are
entrusted with the very grave
responsibility of access to the minds of everyone right across the
Commonwealth – with, I
suppose, the possible exception of
Her Majesty, the Queen, and
that responsibility carries with
it the need for absolute
probity to guarantee that no Inquisitor would ever seek to influence his subject or to use any information discovered
during the course of an
inquisition for personal gain.
“Here on
Sunday we have been very fortunate in
our Inquisitors, and I am sure the Holy Synod would wish to put on record its appreciation of and gratitude for the magnificent achievements of the Grand Inquisitor and his staff in maintaining the admirable moral
purity of our planet, which
has become virtually proverbial throughout the Commonwealth.
“The temptations which must constantly assail
any Inquisitor are of an
order of which few if any of
us can conceive, and the
absolute honesty with which
the Grand Inquisitor and his
staff have carried out their
onerous duties is deserving of
our sincere admiration, for,
should an Inquisitor ever fall below
the high standards set by the
Grand Inquisitor, the damage that
he could inflict on our
society is inestimable in its
destructive effects, and,
unfortunately, it has to be
faced that one Inquisitor,
namely Sulamun Tadler, has
fallen below those high standards, and
that is why we face the
unpleasant task of
investigating just how far he has lapsed from grace, and what, if any, damage has been
done to our community.
“Inquisitor Tadler is accused of misusing an inquisitorial
examination for his own
purposes. His subject was
a young girl called Roquana Smuff, who lived with her mother in Beddleham. While Dr Tadler
was investigating Roquana
Smuff she was recruited to
work as a housemaid at Lord
Savark’s country residence, Savark Court. It must have been
at this point that Sulamun
Tadler saw his chance to pry into
the private life of one of
the most prominent families on
Sunday, to spy on Lord Savark
himself, the leader of the
Sunday Development Corporation and the man to whom, above all others, we owe
the peaceful and indeed moral
development of our colony.
“Sulamun Tadler is not a senior Inquisitor, he is hardly the
stuff of which Eminences are
made – shee-hee-hee
– and he had therefore never been given the task of investigating any really
prominent member of the
Establishment. As I
have already pointed out, Inquisitors must be utterly and entirely dependable, so that
they can be trusted not to
take personal advantage of
any confidential information they may
uncover during the course of
their investigations. How much more
important this is when the
people undergoing inquisition are members of the Government: Senators,
Ministers of the Crown,
persons possessed of state
secrets which, if
they fell into the wrong
hands could imperil the peaceful governance of
Sunday.
“So, as
I have said, Inquisitor Tadler had
never been entrusted with
conducting enquiries into the
lives of senior
members of the
Establishment. Perhaps at this stage it was merely
curiosity that led him to
remain with Roquana Smuff at
Savark Court, or
perhaps he had already
conceived the project of
seeking out information
that he could use for
personal profit. At any
rate he was able,
through the eyes of his subject to obtain sufficient information about
the layout of Savark Court and
the life of the household to
give the
slanders that he was later to
concoct a semblance of truth.
“Having conceived this plan, Sulamun Tadler
had to remove Roquana Smuff from Savark Court and bring her to New
Jackrusselham. This he achieved in
a most cunning manner.
Realising that a young girl travelling on her own through the wild
woodlands of Sunday was in
considerable danger of being
attacked and
eaten by the Tohu, his first
move was to obtain for her a
companion. Contrary to
all the principles of the
Holy Inquisition
he set out to influence his
subject – indeed to take total
control of the mind of the unfortunate Roquana Smuff, and, having done
so, he deliberately manipulated her into
seducing a young footman, one
Tommuz Crumptin.
“Roquana Smuff, under the control of
Inquisitor Tadler, behaved in
a way that was totally out of
character
for her – indeed a way
that is foreign to all of our young
maidens on Sunday. She
led the young man into
isolated parts of
the garden, into copses, shrubberies and
deserted summerhouses.
There she kissed and cuddled him, fondled every part of his body,
unfastened his clothing, excited him beyond
all bearing, and eventually
seduced him into the act of
copulation.
“Still controlled by Inquisitor Tadler,
Roquana Smuff now blackmailed Tommuz Crumptin into agreeing to
accompany her if ever she left Savark Court and to go with her to New
Jackrusselham.
“Tadler’s next move was to precipitate
Roquana Smuff’s flight. It was obvious that Tommuz Crumptin
would never agree to follow
her into the wilderness under normal
circumstances, in fact he probably dissuaded her from leaving on more
than one occasion. Tadler now used the occasion of one of Lord
Savark’s house-parties, which was the only time Roquana Smuff had
ever come close to His
Lordship. Controlling the unfortunate
Roquana Smuff like a puppet,
Inquisitor Tadler sent her to
speak to
Lord Savark, who was standing at
the top of the stairs looking down on
the decorous conversations taking place among his guests.
“Roquana Smuff, under the control of
Inquisitor Tadler, approached Lord Savark with some fantastic tale
about Jamal Fittlutt, and when he turned to speak to her, she launched
an unprovoked attack on him
– on the Father of Sunday. I
hope members of this Holy Synod will forgive me if what I have now to
say proves shocking in the
extreme: under the control of Inquisitor
Tadler, Roquana Smuff raised her knee and
struck Lord Savark as hard as
she could in the groin,
attacking our benefactor most indecently in the
very essence of his manhood.
“His Lordship collapsed, and it is only by the
very greatest good fortune that
he did not tumble down the stairs and
break his neck. Let us give thanks to the gods, for they watched
over him and preserved him.
“Roquana Smuff now sought out Tommuz Crumptin,
told him – still under
the control of Inquisitor
Tadler –
that Lord Savark had attempted
to rape her and that she had
been forced
to attack him to preserve her modesty –
hardly her virginity, for
that she had already given to
Tommuz Crumptin.
“Struck by
the enormity of what she had
done,
Crumptin agreed to take her
back to her mother’s
house in
Beddleham, but, on the way
there, she convinced him that her tale of
attempted rape was true, and
she also slandered all of
Lord
Savark’s guests: members of
the Senate, of the League of
Purity,
and of the High Court of
Justice. Not even the
octogenarian
President of the Bank of Sunday escaped her calumny, for – still
acting under the control of Inquisitor Tadler – she
convinced the
gullible Tommuz Crumptin that
this frail and saintly old
man had
engaged in perverted sexual
assaults on young girls.
“On
their arrival at Beddleham
Roquana Smuff
and Tommuz Crumptin sought the aid of
Mrs Smuff, whom they also
persuaded to believe their slanderous allegations, and with her help
were able to find transport to
New Jackrusselham. I have to admit
now that I sincerely regret not having tried to persuade the merciful
Lord Savark to pursue them, for His Lordship, being, as we all
know, a
kindly and generous man, was
all too inclined to make
light of his pain
and of the very great danger that Roquana Smuff’s
unprovoked
attack at the very top of the grand staircase had put his life in.
“When they reached New Jackrusselham Sulamun
Tadler was ready to put the
next part of his plan into action, for
by
now it had become nothing less than
a cunning scheme to
destabilize the
government of Sunday and to seize power for himself.
“By
this stage, his constant repetition in
Roquana Smuff’s mind of
his version of events had left the poor
girl so confused that she
really believed the false memories planted
there by Inquisitor Tadler, and her belief communicated itself to the
infatuated Tommuz Crumptin, who was now as deluded as she was.
“Sulamun Tadler was at last able to leave the
mind of Roquana Smuff,
confident that she would continue to
believe his
version of events and to spread the lies, slanders and calumnies that
he had devised. Using his position as a member of the Holy
Inquisition he now sought an audience with
President Bananas, and, when
it was granted, he used an Inquisition carriage to bring Roquana Smuff
and Tommuz Crumptin into the Government Quarter.
“He took them to see the President, where,
constantly prompted by him,
they slandered Lord Savark, his family, his
whole household, his distinguished guests, and even accused
Sunday’s best loved entertainer, Jamal Fittlutt, whose work with
orphans and other deprived
children has gained him
well-deserved
recognition as a modern saint
– even Jamal Fittlutt was accused
of the most disgusting
pederasty.
“It is scarcely to be wondered at that our
beloved President was struck into
total paralysis by these wild
accusations. She had agreed to meet with an Inquisitor, one of
the guardians of the ethos of Sunday. He had brought with him two
young people, who, under his
influence, (though the
President did not
know that), told her that
Lord Savark, the founder of
the Sunday
Development Corporation, the Father of
our Colony, and, as President
of
the League of Purity, the
wise and moral inspiration of our young
people – that Lord
Savark himself presided over
wild orgies in
which naked Senators and High
Court Judges cavorted with
young girls,
not to mention young boys; that Jamal Fittlutt assaulted
underage girls
for his own pleasure and for the entertainment of the aforementioned
Senators and High Court
Judges; that Lord Savark and his guests watched
and applauded while His Lordship’s own son,
Sir Muckswill Savark,
stripped and raped a
housemaid.
“Worse, much worse was yet to come, for
Roquana Smuff, convinced by
the brainwashing to which
Sulamun Tadler
had subjected her, and who, you will remember had launched an
unprovoked attack on His
Lordship which left him
collapsed in agony
and, but for the intervention of the gods themselves, might have
resulted in his death, now
told Her Excellency that Lord
Savark had
attempted to rape her, and that she had been obliged to resist.
“Even worse was
still to come, for our
beloved
President, although already reeling with shock, was now informed that
the Tohu, who have attacked, killed and
eaten countless numbers of
our
citizens, were not carnivorous apes but humans, members of our own race
whom Lord Savark had set out to
exterminate in order to
maximise
profits for the Sunday
Development Corporation.
“Perhaps we should not blame Roquana Smuff and
Tommuz Crumptin too harshly, for
all this time they were mere puppets
acting under the control of Inquisitor Tadler – but Sulamun
Tadler himself cannot have been unaware of the effect of his slanderous
calumnies on the obviously
distressed President Bananas. Yet he
still continued with his
campaign, even though it was
clear that she
was on the point of collapse – such was his
determination to
undermine the legitimate government of Sunday and to seize power for
himself.
“Leaving the President prostrated by grief and
confusion, Sulamun Tadler next took his two puppets out of the
Government Quarter and sent
them back into the city with instructions
to stir up the populace into rioting and anarchy, which they
successfully did.
“The first atrocity was the attack on a
Government Guard who was on
patrol near the
Pantheon. Stirred up
by Roquana Smuff and Tommuz Crumptin, a mob set on the unfortunate
young man and beat him almost to
death, simply for being in
the service
of the legitimate government
of Sunday. They also stole his
uniform, doubtless in order to
infiltrate the Guardroom, probably with
the intention of throwing
open the gate so that the mob
could invade
the Government Quarter, smash up
Government buildings, and
attack
Ministers and officials as
they went about their
legitimate
business. I hope we have prevented that by alerting the Guard
Commanders to redouble
security along the periphery of the Government
Quarter, and I can report that a ferocious attack on the gates by a
huge and riotous mob led by Roquana Smuff and Tommuz
Crumptin, was
repulsed by the Guards.
“The next atrocity inspired by Inquisitor
Tadler and carried out by a
mob inflamed by Roquana Smuff
and Tommuz
Crumptin, was an attack on
the Guild of Eunuchs. As we all know,
this peaceful brotherhood, who live a communal and monastic existence
in the humble and
semi-subterranean darkness of
the crypt beneath the
Pantheon, have sacrificed their very manhood to expunge from their
lives every trace of
competitive aggression, of
lust, of
ambition. They are, in short, the truest exemplars of the ethos
of helpfulness, love and duty which governs our colony here on Sunday
and makes it so very different from
other, less civilised frontier
worlds.
“Despite this, a raging mob battered down the
great bronze doors of the
crypt, invaded this holy and
sanctified place
of prayer and contemplation, and drove the brothers out with kicks and
blows, pursuing them along
the street and throwing stones and
clods of
earth at them. What has
happened to the brothers we
do not know,
but it is feared that some at least have been driven out of the city
and into the wild woodland,
where they may fall prey to
the savage Tohu.
“Even harmless passers-by in the street have
not been safe from the
attacks of these violent and aggressive mobs of
rioting anarchists stirred up by
Roquana Smuff and Tommuz
Crumptin
under the malign influence of Inquisitor Sulamun Tadler.
Lord
Savark’s cook, a respectable woman of mature years and not
inconsiderable girth – shee-hee-hee-hee
– was attacked by a
raging mob, howling for her
blood, and forced to flee for
her very life.
“We have suffered from insurrection in New
Jackrusselham, anarchy, violence and attempted murder on the streets of
our capital city – and
who is responsible? Inquisitor
Sulamun Tadler, who, misusing his powers as one of the guardians of the
moral code of Sunday, has
stirred up the populace in
order to seize
power for himself, to make
himself ruler of Sunday at
the head of a
violent mob, and to institute
a reign of terror aimed at the
elimination of all members of the Senate, the Ministries of the Crown,
Holy Mother Church, the Holy Inquisition and indeed this Holy Synod
itself. Has he not already started this reign of terror by
driving our beloved President into
a breakdown from which it is
doubtful that she will ever
recover?
“For
such treason there can be only one
penalty, and already several
ministers and prominent Senators have
urged me to demand it –
death! The constitution of the
Commonwealth prescribes the death penalty for treason, and we can be
quite sure that the Privy
Council will insist on
it. Her Majesty
herself, merciful lady though she be, would insist on the elimination
of such a traitor, purely and
simply for the protection of her
subjects. That is why I – though
I do so with great
reluctance – must insist that
the penalty for
Tadler’s
treacherous stirring up of
the violent forces of anarchy
and disorder
with the intention of
overthrowing the Government and
everything our
civilisation stands for, has
to be death – and that
his execution
should be carried out without
delay as the only possible
means of
bringing to an end the
insurrection he has called into being.
There were murmurs of agreement and heads were
nodded as Gulls brought his speech to its triumphant close.
“There being no dissenting voices,” he
honked, “I shall call in
the Government Guards to take
Sulamun
Tadler back to his cell and make the necessary arrangements for his
execution.”
Having only a short time left, I determined to write
this account of what had happened and, if possible, pass it to my
colleague, Dr Drow, in the hope that the truth would eventually emerge.
Please remember that this
story is copyright.
See Copyright
and Concessions for permitted uses.
Roquana: Index.
-- Chapter 10. --
Chapter 12.
Auksford index. -- Index to Robin Gordon's works.
Send an e-mail to Robin
Gordon.