The Banner: jeans on a pole A
Part 2: Nails

Auksford crest: a great auk displaying a book with the words "Ex ovo sapientia"
-  Auksford, 2010  -

Copyright Robin Gordon, 2010

Link to Nails Act I

Link to Nails Act II

(Other links at end)


    The mouth of a back lane near the gathering of Nails’s troops at the corner of Wellington Street.  Tommo, Scouse, Janice and Julie.

Tommo:  There they are.  It’s up to you.

Janice:  Don’t leave us!

Tommo:  Got to.  If they knew we’d warned you, we’d all be for it.  See ya.

    Tommo and Scouse withdraw.

Janice:  What shall I do?

Julie:  Go and find him.  I’ll wait here.

Janice:  No!  You come too!

Julie:  You only brought me out of spite.

Janice:  I’m afraid.  Don’t leave me, Julie.  There are so many of them, and they all look so … savage.

Julie:  He must be somewhere in the middle.

Janice:  Look out!

    Janice and Julie draw back into the lane as Marlene and Claire leave the gang and pass them.

Julie:  It’s Marlene Foster.

Janice:  Who’s she?

Julie:  His girlfriend.

Janice:  Who?!

Julie:  Shurrup a minute.  A’ve got an idea.  Look, if he’ll listen to you, he might listen to her just the same.  If we can get her on our side, she’ll maybe speak to him.

Janice:  I couldn’t speak to her!

Julie:  Well, you’ll just have to go and find him yourself.

    Janice shakes her head.

Julie:  You promised Victor Mouse.

Janice:  Will you come with me if I go and speak to her?

Julie:  Come on or we’ll lose her.

    Janice and Julie go after Marlene.


    A café: a small, cheap and rather nasty place, deserted except for a waitress behind the counter and Marlene and Claire at a table in the corner.  Marlene and Claire look up as Janice and Julie come in.  Janice and Julie buy teas at the counter, then come to the table.  Marlene and Claire light cigarettes.

Janice:  All right if we sit here?

Marlene:  Suit yourself.

Claire:  It’s a free country.

    Janice and Julie sit down.

Janice:  Actually I wanted to talk to you about Michael.

Marlene:  Who?

    Marlene blows smoke towards Janice.

Janice:  Michael Palmer.

Marlene:  Oh, you mean Nails.

    Marlene blows more smoke at Janice.

Janice  [coughing]:  Yes.  Nails.

Marlene:  D’you know ’im, then?

Janice:  I’m Janice Greenwood.

Marlene  [as if the name meant nothing to her]:  Oh?

    Marlene flicks her cigarette ash into Janice’s tea.  Janice pulls her cup back.

Marlene:  Sorry.

    Marlene blows more smoke into Janice’s face.

Janice  [coughing]:  Michael’s been going round with me for the last couple of weeks.

Marlene  [midway between absent-minded boredom and an ill-concealed sneer]:  Has he?

Janice:  Yes …  [She stops helplessly].

Marlene:  I suppose you’re in love, you and him?

Janice  [uncertainly]:  Yes … yes … I think so.

    Marlene blows smoke in Janice’s face.  Janice coughs.

Janice:  I wish you wouldn’t blow smoke in my face.  It’s not very nice.

Marlene  [with a bored sneer]:  Isn’t it?

    Marlene blows more smoke at Janice, who tries to fan it away with her hand.

Janice  [coughing]:  Please.  I’ve come to talk to you seriously about Michael.

Marlene:  Nails!

Janice:  Er … yes … about Nails.

Marlene  [with a hard edge to her voice]:  What about him?

Janice:  He’s going to start a fight, isn’t he?

Marlene:  What if he is?

Janice:  But we haven’t done anything to him.

Marlene:  You’ve done plenty!  If it hadn’t been for you he’d have slaughtered that Swarrell lot ages ago.  You, with your namby-pamby religious ways – turn the other cheek and that!  What d’you think it’s been like for us?  With everybody jeering at us?  All that Swarrell lot jeering at us?  What d’you think it’s been like for me?

Janice:  I’m sorry.  I don’t know anything about all that.  I’m not interested in your gang fights.  Why d’you have to pick on us?  We didn’t do anything to any of you.  We didn’t even know about the gang from Swarrell.  Have your fight with them if you want – I don’t care – but leave us alone.  Please!

    Marlene looks at Janice with a hard expression of triumph and blows smoke in her face.

Janice  [coughing]:  Look, please!  Look!  I don’t care if I never see Nails again.  You can have him.  Just tell him to leave us alone.

Marlene  [slowly and sarcastically]:  I can have him?  I can have him, can I?  You don’t want him any more, so you give him to me, do you?

Janice  [sobbing]:  Yes!  Yes!

Marlene:  You stupid little bitch!  How can you give me what I’ve already got?

Janice:  But …

Marlene  [triumphant]:  He’s come back to me!  It’s because of me that he’s going to do Swarrell – and it’s because of me that he’s going to do you lot at the YPF.  Just you listen to me, Janice Greenwood.  You think you’re so soddin’ superior just ’cos you live in a big house and work in a library and go round with that poncy vicar – well let me tell you, nobody laughs at Nails Palmer while I’m around, and you can tell that to them little poofs at the YPF, and you can tell them we’ll be along for them soon, and if I see you when we get there I’ll scratch your bleeding eyes out.  Come on, Claire.  There’s a bad smell in here!

    Marlene flicks her cigarette end into Janice’s tea and stalks out, followed by Claire.

Julie  [timidly]:  We’d better get back and warn the others.

Janice  [with angry determination]:  You can!  I’m going to find Michael.  I’m not letting that bitch get away with treating me like that.

Julie:  But …

Janice:  You don’t have to come.  I can go myself.  I’ll be better off without you!

    Exit Janice.



    The corner of Wellington Street where Nails’s gang is gathered.  Janice attempts to push her way through the crowd.

Janice:  Scuse me.  Can I come through, please?

Hotrod:  Hey, it’s one o’ them tarts from the church!

Gang:  Raaay!

Hotrod:  Hey, you lot from the church are always going on about love and that, aren’t ya?  So how’s about a bit o’ loving for me?

Gang:  Wa-hay!

Janice:  Gerroff!

Tommo:  Hey!  Watch it, m’n!  That’s Nails’s private property, that is.

Hotrod:  Yeuch!  He don’t wan’ ’er.  He’s got Marlene.

Gang:  Yeah!
             She’s a fuckin’ bitch, he said.
             It’s ’cos of ’er we’re doin’ the youth club, innit?
             Yeah!  Get her knickers off!
             My turn next wid ’er!

Tommo:  Hey!  Let’s take her over to Nails!  See what he does wid ’er!

Some of the gang:  Yeah!

Tommo:  Come on!

Hotrod:  We can do plenty wid ’er ourselves.

Gang:  Yeah!  Raaay!  Raaaay!

Tommo:  I wouldn’t like to be in your shoes.

Hotrod:  Let’s have a gang-bang!

Gang:  Raaay!

Tommo:  Not before a battle, ya berks!

Scouse:  Save your strength.

    The gang cheer unheedingly.  Tommo mutters to Scouse, sending him off to find Nails.

Tommo:  Hang on lads!  Hang on!  Nails gets first screw!

    The gang still cheer unheedingly as they swarm around Janice.  Scouse comes back with Nails.

Nails:  What’s gan on?

Tommo:  They’ve grabbed some tart.

Nails:  Who?

Tommo:  Dunno.  Think she was looking for you.

Nails  [shouting]:  Hey!  Hey!  What’s gan on?  Hey!  Come on lads!  That’s enough!

    The gang pay no attention.  Nails dives in and drags out Hotrod.

Hotrod:  Gerroff, ya bugger!

Nails:  Come ’ere!  What d’you think you’re doing?

Hotrod:  It’s a gang-bang.  Lemme get at ’er!

Nails  [holding on to Hotrod]:  You want your bloody heads examining, the lot of you!  You’re going to need all your strength for when we get to Swarrell.  Or had you forgotten there’s a war on?  Who is it anyway?  Let’s have a look!

    The gang are quelled and move away, revealing the dishevelled Janice, who looks up and sees Nails.

Janice:  Oh, Michael!

Nails  [recognising her]:  Oh!

    Nails turns away.  Janice clings to him.

Janice:  Michael, I love you!

Nails:  Piss off!

Janice:  I do. Michael, I do.  I wasn’t sure before, but I am now.  Can’t we talk.

Nails  [coldly]:  I’m listening.

Janice:  Oh, Michael, you know I can’t say anything like that in front of people.  – [Tearfully snuggling close]:  Take me away from here, Michael, away from them.  I don’t know how you can make me say it in front of them, Michael, after what they tried to do … I’m trying to give myself to you, Michael.

Nails:  What?!

Janice:  Rather than lose you, Michael, I’d do anything.

Nails:  Anything?

Janice:  Anything.  Walk through fire and water.  Anything.

Nails  [putting his arms around her]:  Even …

Janice:  That above all, Michael.  Oh, you do want me, don’t you?

    Nails seizes her and kisses her greedily.  Janice reciprocates.  The gang cheer.  Janice pulls away and resists Nails’s attempts to kiss her again.  She makes him aware of the gang.

Nails  [angrily to the gang]:  Fuck off!

    Tommo pulls Hotrod away and the others follow.  When they have gone Nails turns his attention back to Janice whom he is still holding in his arms.

Nails:  Oh, Janice!

    Nails gets his hands under Janice’s skirt.

Janice  [alarmed]:  Not on the street!  No!  No, Michael!  I want our first time to be something lovely, something we can always remember.  No!

Nails:  What’s up?

Janice:  No, Michael!  You don’t want to cheapen your future wife’s reputation, do you?

    Nails is so stunned by this news that he lets her go.  She begins patting her hair into place, but he seizes her again and begins kissing her so violently that she is unable to resist and must submit until he pauses for breath.

Janice:  Phew!  If this is what you’re like now, I don’t know how I’ll survive the honeymoon.

Nails:  Oh!

Janice:  Gently!  Gently, Michael.  You’re so strong.  You forget girls are delicate.

Nails:  I didn’t hurt you, did I?

Janice:  Oh, Michael, I don’t think anything you could do could ever hurt me.  Oh, I’m so happy.

Nails:  Me too.

    They embrace.

Janice:  You won’t start that street-fight now, will you?  I couldn’t bear it if you got hurt and we had to put off the wedding.

Nails:  I’ll never get into fights again.  Never!

Janice:  Oh, I’m so happy!

    They embrace.

Janice:  And you’ll come back to the YPF?  I want to tell them – about us!

Nails  [kissing her]:  Yes.  Yes, my darling.

Janice:  And you won’t let the gang attack us?

Nails:  Attack?  How could I?

Janice  [kissing him]:  I love you – but, darling, hadn’t you better tell the boys not to attack the YPF?

Nails:  Yes.  I will.  Tommo!

Tommo  [appearing from the shadows]:  Yes, Nails?

Nails:  The battle’s off!

Tommo:  What?

Nails:  No arguments!  It’s off!  You and the lads had better keep right away from the YPF, or you’ll have me to reckon with.

Tommo:  What about Swarrell?

Nails:  I don’t give a f…   –  [conscious of Janice]: f… flick of me fingers for Swarrell.  It’s all off.  I’m going back with Janice.  We’re getting married.

Tommo:  Hey, that’s great!  Hey, congratulations, Nails.  Hey, wait till the lads hear about this!

    Enter Marlene and Claire.

Marlene:  Hear about what?

Tommo:  Nails.  He’s getting married.  To Janice Greenwood.

Marlene:  WHAT?!!

Janice:  I’m so glad you’re here to congratulate me, Marlene.  I know how fond you are of Michael and how much you want him to be happy.  Isn’t it wonderful: he’s chosen me, and I’ve chose him.  He’s all mine.

Marlene:  You bitch!!!

    Marlene lunges at Janice.  Nails holds her back.

Marlene:  You bitch!  You stinking, bloody bitch!  I’ll scratch your eyes out!  Lemme get at her!

Nails:  That’s enough!

Marlene:  I’ll kill her, the bitch!  And you!

    Marlene struggles to get at Janice.  Nails slaps her face.  She gasps with shock and collapses into near-silent sobbing.

Nails:  You keep away from Janice, do you hear?  You’re not fit to come within a hundred mile of her.  Do you hear me, you slag?

    Nails shakes Marlene.  Tommo intervenes.

Tommo:  Oi!

    Marlene sobs.  Nails and Tommo glare at each other.  Janice takes Nails’s arm.

Janice:  Come on, Michael.  We don’t want to get involved in a common street-brawl.

    Nails hesitates, then allows her to lead him away.  Marlene continues sobbing.  Enter Scouse.

Scouse:  What’s going on?  What’s she crying for?

Tommo:  Nails hit her.

Scouse:  What?!

Tommo:  He cracked her across the gob and went off with Janice Greenwood.  Call the lads.  We’re going to do him for this.

Marlene  [hysterically]:  And her!  I want her slaughtered!  It’s all her fault.  Kill them!  Kill them both!

    Marlene rushes off, followed by the helpless and silent Claire.  Pause.

Scouse:  What you gonna do, Tommo?

Tommo:  I’m gonna get vengeance for Marlene, ain’t I?  Call the lads!



    The YPF.  Nails and Janice are surrounded by an admiring crowd.

Mouse:  This is wonderful news.  We’re terribly grateful to you, Michael.  I know it must have taken great courage to break with your past like that.

    Murmurs of assent.

Nails:  It’s Janice you should thank.  If it hadn’t been for her …

John:  Good old Janice!

Janice:  It was nothing.  I knew it had to be done.

Julie:  You were terribly brave.

    Janice smiles.

Nails:  She’s too modest.  She came through the whole crowd of them to find me – in spite of the danger.

Janice:  Let’s not talk about it.

Nails:  She’s wonderful.

Mouse  [singing]:  For she’s a jolly good fellow,

YPF  [singing]:  for she’s a jolly good fellow,
        for she’s a jolly good fe-ellow,
        which nobody can deny.

John:  Three cheers for Janice!  Hip, hip …

YPF:  Hooray!

John:  Hip, hip …

YPF:  Hooray!

John:  Hip, hip …

YPF:  Hooray!

Nails  [to Janice]:  Shall we tell them?

Janice  [to Nails]:  Not yet, darling.  Let’s keep it as our special secret.

Nails:  But …

Janice:  Oh, Michael, a secret engagement is so romantic.  You don’t know what it means to me to have a secret that nobody knows but us two.

Nails  [doubtfully]:  We...ell …

Janice:  Besides, they’re all so excited now that they wouldn’t take it in properly.  When we announce it we want to do it really well, don’t we.  We should choose a time when we’re sure of getting their undivided attention.  Let’s keep it until next week, then we’ll make a big announcement and have a real celebration.  Shall we, pet?

Nails  [attempting to kiss her]:  I love you.

Janice  [obstructing him by arranging her hair]:  I love you, pet.

    Mouse claps for attention.

Mouse:  All right, chaps and girls, we’ve had a lot of excitement this evening, so now we’re really ready for our Quiet Time.  Come on, let’s show Michael just how quickly we can get the chairs ready.

    The YPF begin clearing up the hall and arranging the folding chairs in rows.

Mouse  [to Nails]:  We always have ten or twenty minutes Quiet Time at the end of each of our get-togethers, when we think about the Lord and thank Him for all His goodness.  It’s not a formal service, just a few moments of prayerful togetherness with Him.

Nails:  I see.

    A stone crashes through one of the windows in an explosion of broken glass.  Cries and screams rend the air as the YPF stampede away from the window, knocking over chairs in their flight.

Mouse:  Keep calm, everybody!  Keep calm!

    Calm seems to be returning, then the door is thrown open with a crash, and Tommo enters, followed by Scouse, Hotrod and the rest of the gang, who outnumber the YPF.  They stand in silent menace, thumbs hooked in belts.

Mouse  [nervously to the YPF]:  Keep calm.  – [to the gang]:  What do you want?

    Tommo surveys Mouse arrogantly.

Nails  [striding forward angrily]:  I told you to stay away from here!  What’s got into you, Tommo?

Tommo:  Shurrup!

Nails:  What did you say?

Tommo:  I said Shurrup!

Nails:  You tired o’ living or summat?

Tommo:  Oh yeah?  What’re you gonna do about it?

Nails:  You’ll see.  – [To the gang]:  Get him, lads!

    No-one moves.

Tommo  [sniggering]:  Wassamarrar, Nails?  Won’t they take orders from you any more?

Gang  [mockingly]:  Aw!

Scouse:  Diddums, diddums?  Aw!

Gang:  Aw!

Nails:  I’ll fix you, Tommo!

Tommo:  You and who else?

Nails:  Just me.  That’s all that’s needed.

Tommo:  Like you fixed the Swarrell lot?  Like you fixed the young pooves fellowshit?  Like you fixed Marlene?  ’Cos  that’s about all you’re good for: smacking tarts in the gob!

Gang:  Yeah!

Mouse:  Now … er … wait a minute, lads …

Tommo:  Shurrup!

Mouse:  I’m not going to allow you to make a bear-garden …

Tommo:  Shurrup!  If you know what’s good for you.

Gang:  Yeah!

Tommo:  It’s Nails Palmer we’ve come for – but it doesn’t matter to us if we have to smash you lot to get him.

Gang:  Yeah!

Mouse:  Why?  What have you got against him?

Nails:  Keep out of this, Vicar.

Tommo:  Hey, look, lads!  He’s going to sacrifice himself to save his friends.

Scouse:  He’s going to turn the other cheek.

Gang:  Raaay!

Tommo:  Izzat right, Nails?  ’Cos you know what we want, don’t you?

Scouse:  What do we want, Tommo?

Tommo:  We wan’ ’is kecks!

Gang:  Raaaay!

Tommo:  You know what they say, Nails?  Greater love hath no man than this: that he lay down his pants for his friends.

Scouse:  Yeah, that’s right!  Get ’em off!

Gang:  Geddem off!  Geddem off!

    The gang laugh and begin to sing striptease music.

Nails:  Get stuffed!

Tommo:  Don’t think your new friends are gonna help you.

Hotrod:  They know what’s coming to ’em if they try.

Gang:  Yeah!  We’ll slaughter them!  Smash the YPF!  Smash the YPF!

Nails:  You rotten buggers!

Mouse:  Now look here …

Tommo:  I’ve told you once!  Shurrup!

    Tommo threatens Mouse.  Scouse nervously intervenes.

Scouse:  Watch it, m’n, Tommo.

Tommo:  What’s up?  He’s not one o’ yours!

    Tommo shakes Mouse.  Some of the gang cheer.

Janice  [to Nails]:  Oh, Michael!  You can’t let them hurt Victor.  You know we can’t stand up to them.  Give them what they want and they’ll go away.  Please Michael.  For Jesu’s sake.

Scouse  [to Tommo]:  Careful, m’n.

Mouse:  Can’t we settle this amicably?

Tommo  [to Mouse]:  Watch it!

Hotrod:  Kick his head in!

Janice  [to Nails]:  Oh, please, Michael!  For my sake!

Nails:  Oh! … Tommo!  Tommo!  Leave him be!

Tommo:  Giving orders again?

Nails:  It weren’t him you come for.

Tommo:  Changed your mind, have you?  Gonna hand over your kecks?

Nails:  Yes.

Tommo:  Raay!  Geddem off!

Gang:  Raaay!  Wayhay!  Raaaay!  Geddem off!  Geddem off!

    The gang begin to wolf-whistle and catcall, then to whistle and sing a striptease song as Nails takes off his trousers.  Tommo snatches them from him, throws them up in the air then catches them and brandishes them above his head while the gang cheer and jeer.  Somebody begins to whistle the Nails Palmer song and the whole gang takes it up, swarming around Nails, jostling and pushing him, pulling at his remaining clothes and jabbing at his groin.  At the chorus they burst into song.

Gang:  Glory glory halleluiah,
    glory glory halleluiah,
    glory glory halleluiah,
    we’ve got his trousers off!

Tommo:  Come on, lads!  Now let’s go and smash Swarrell.

Gang:  Raaaay!  Smash Swarrell!  Smash Swarrell!

    The gang begins milling towards the door.  Nails is able to escape his tormentors and get to Janice.

Nails:  Wait a minute!  Wait a minute!  I’ve got summat to say!

    The gang turn to listen.

Nails:  You think you’ve won, don’t you Tommo?  Well, you haven’t won anything!  Not from me!

    Groans from the gang.

Nails:  You wanna grow up, you lot.  You’re like a lot o’ little kids.  D’you think it means anything to me if you take me pants off?

Scouse:  Course it does.

Nails:  That’s all some of you think about.  There’s more to life than that.

Tommo:  Raay!  Just listen to the reverend Michael Palmer!  Come on, tell us what!

Nails:  All right.  I’ll tell you.

Gang:  Yeah, come on!  Come on, then!

Nails:  Just listen, will ya?  Everybody shurrup!  I’ve got an announcement to make.

    There is a hush.  Nails grabs Janice’s hand and strides into the space between the gang and the still cowering YPF, dragging her with him.

Nails:  Listen everybody!  Me and Janice are engaged to be married!

    Nails embraces Janice and attempts to kiss her.  She resists him.

Gang:  Raay!  Come on there, Nails!  Get in there Nails!  Raaay!  Raaay!

Hotrod:  Have we to take her knickers off, an’all?

Tommo:  It’s the only way he’ll ever make it.

Gang:  Raaay!

Janice:  Gerroff!  Gerroff, I said!

    Suddenly Janice knees Nails in the groin.  He lets her go and collapses in doubled-up agony.  The gang gasp then cheer.

Janice  [to Nails]:  Just who do you think you are that’s what I’d like to know just who do you think you are you’re an animal I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last man on earth you’ve brought nothing but trouble ever since you came do you think I’d marry someone like you you must be mad if you do!  Just look at you standing there in your underpants making stupid announcements as if you thought you were somebody well you’re not and I’m finished with you do you hear me finished so you can just crawl back under the stone you came from ’cos I never want to see you again you’ve made me a laughing stock and I hate you!  I despise you!  Oh, Victor!

    Janice throws herself into Mouse’s arms.  Mouse pats her on the back in embarrassed helplessness.  The gang laugh and sneer.

Tommo:  That’s ruined his prospects.  Come on lads!  Let’s go and take the pants off the Swarrell gang.

Gang:   Raaay!

    As the gang start going out Marlene pushes her way in.

Marlene:  Where is he?  What’ve you done to him?

Tommo:  Come on, Marlene!  We showed him.  Look!

Marlene:  Oh!

Tommo:  There’s the great hero!  Lost his pants again!  Dunn’e look daft?

Marlene:  What’ve you done to him?

Tommo:  Here’s his kecks, Marlene!  I gottem for you!

    Tommo brandishes Nails’s trousers, then stretches out his arm to give them to Marlene, but she is staring in horror at Nails, who is still bent double.

Tommo:  Come on, Marlene!  D’you wanna kick ’im in the balls?  Shall I hold him for you?

    Tommo moves behind Nails and hauls him up.

Tommo:  Hey, Marlene, d’you want his underpants?  Pull ’em down, Scouse!

Marlene:  GEDDOFF’IM!!!

    Marlene darts forward and shoves Tommo away.  Then she puts her arms round Nails comfortingly and protectingly.

Marlene:  Nails!  Nails!  It’s me!  It’s Marlene!  Are you all right, love?

Nails  [still in pain]:  Yes.  I’m all right.

Tommo  [puzzled]:  Marlene?

Marlene  [turning on Tommo in fury]:  What did you have to do that to him for?  What for?

Tommo:  But …

Marlene:  He’s worth a hundred of you – a million!  Get out of my sight – and give me them!

    Marlene snatches Nails’ trousers from Tommo and turns to Nails.

Marlene:  You’re all right now, pet.  You’re all right.  I’m here.  I’m with you now.  Does it still hurt?

Nails:  A bit – not so bad.

Marlene:  Put your trousers on again, pet.  Here they are.

    Marlene helps Nails put his trousers on.  Tommo stands bewildered.  The gang watch curiously.  The YPF still dare not move.

Marlene:  Where’s your shoes, pet?   – [to the YPF]:  Where’s his shoes?

    A boy retrieves Nails’s shoes from the corner where they have been kicked.

Tommo:  Marlene?

Marlene:  Get out of my sight!

Tommo:  But …

Scouse  [to Tommo]:  Come on, m’n.  Leave her.

Hotrod:  Yeah!  Come on!  We’re gonna exterminate Swarrell!

Gang:  Yeah, come on!
    Let’s go!
    Smash Swarrell!  Smash Swarrell!

    The gang leave.  Tommo stands bewildered.  Scouse leads him away.  Meanwhile Marlene fastens Nails’s shoes.

Marlene:  Come on, pet.  Let’s go home.

Nails:  Marlene?

Marlene:  Yes, love?

Nails:  I love you, Marlene.

Marlene  [tenderly]:  Oh come on, you great soft nelly.  Let’s get you home before you lose anything else.  I don’t know what you would do if you didn’t have me to look after you.

    Nails and Marlene go out with their arms about each other.  After a short pause the YPF begin to unfreeze and look around.  Mouse disengages himself from Janice.

Mouse:  Well, come on, chaps.  Let’s get the place tidied up.  Get all the chairs in rows, then we’ll have our Quiet Time.  I think we need it more tonight than we’ve ever needed it before.

    The YPF begin to tidy up.  Janice hooks onto Mouse’s arm.

Janice:  Oh Victor, thank goodness that’s over!

-  The End  -

Please remember this play is copyright.  See Copyright and Concessions for permitted use.

Nails  Act I

Nails Act II

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